Friday, October 16, 2009

The Old Marine

NO SEX SINCE 1955


A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

'Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'
'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?
"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!"
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'

 The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; It's only 2130 now.'
Tom Mann

Dingellized

Simpson Contest

`Simpsons' contest lets winner create character


Particulars below..  If you figure out where submissions go (thesimpsons.com has nothing), let us know.  My character is a new schoolmate who drives Lisa crazy because 1)she's attracted to him, 2)he's smarter than she is, and 3) continually shoots down her bonehead Liberal viewpoints. I call him Rodger Lepew.

"The Simpsons" is giving one lucky contest winner the chance to make others yellow with envy by creating a character for the animated TV series.

The new Springfield resident will appear in an early 2010 episode featuring Chris Martin of Coldplay as guest star.

The contest, part of the Fox show's 20th-anniversary celebration, is for those 18 and older. It opens Friday and runs until 11:59 p.m. EDT Oct. 24.

Online submissions at thesimpsons.com should be "pithy and funny," said executive producer Al Jean, who will help judge them along with series creator Matt Groening.

The winner gets a trip to Los Angeles to work with producers and the show's animation director. The top entry will be announced in mid-November.

Entries are expected to describe the character's traits, including his or her name or nickname; age; appearance; occupation and catch phrases (think Homer Simpson and "D'oh!").

"It's gotta be a human being. We've narrowed it down that much," Jean said.

The proposed character should have a typical "Simpsons" overbite and be yellow or another hue found in the Springfield universe, he said.

The contest is a tip of the hat to fans, Jean said.

rejuoy

Barney and Lindsey pegged my Barf-o-meter

In passing
"You in da mud Rastus"

Lindsey lalala Graham

Barney Frank, Predatory Lender
Almost two-thirds of all bad mortgages in our financial system were bought by government agencies or required by government regulations.

Lindsey lalala Graham
No Irish Need Apply?
Leaders of the Maryland NAACP, worried that a Baltimore mayor's criminal conviction could result in the appointment of a white or Republican leader who may not fully represent the majority black and Democratic city, are asking state lawmakers to strip the governor of authority to permanently fill the office. . .


Learning from Mao
Nadezhda Krupskaya, aka Anita Dunn, and WH communications director

The Seduction Of Lindsey Graham
When asked if he would vote for Graham now, Bonsignor stated emphatically, "No," citing Lindsey's support for Sotomayor, his support for TARP funds, and the final straw, his support for cap and trade.

Only 43% Would Vote For Obama Now
In what may be the ultimate job rating, 43 percent of voters say that they would vote to re-elect President Obama if the 2012 election were held today, down from 52 percent six months ago, from April 22-23, 2009.


Answering machine message all schools should have.

--and there's some water too --

Old Spook

The Last Playground?


 Old Spook, a favorte tippler at the O Club Lounge, speaks for one helluva lot of peeps at his "retirement." 
   Scanning headlines, pocket knives, RINO congressional betrayals (Graham enviro, Snowe health, who's next?), Chicago comes to DC (Waxman enviro credits screw red states reward blue ones, Capone would be proud), fed govt turning into Leviathan, compliant press lying and covering, incompetent narcissist collectivist as President...

World gone mad. Too damned tired to even fuss anymore.

Too barfy to sleep too tired to be barfing. Note for others: Ensure tastes like crap going down and coming up.

Thinking dark thoughts, veering into the really dark stuff (how it might have been better had the plane hit DC and taken out Waxman, Pelosi, and most of Congress). Going to confession about that one.

Can't top your day Deac. I know electric fences do kick. Don't ask -- lets just say it involved being in my 20's and Jack Daniels. Lots of it.

Be back when I finally get into a better place in my head. May be a while. Y'all take care of you and your'n. Bye.  OldSpook 

Dr

Tea partiers and GOP regulars scuffle

Republican officials turned to a conservative icon and invoked an anti-tax pledge Thursday to salvage the slumping campaign of a New York congressional candidate competing with a more conservative third-party challenger, part of an ongoing battle between the fiscally hawkish "tea party" movement and the Republican establishment. [WaTimes]

This might better be described as "Conservative pulls ahead of RINO."  Which infighting threatens to give a GOP house seat to a Democrat.  To forestall that, erstwhile conservative, now pragmatic political hustler Newt Gingrich intercedes, convincing the  RINO sign a "taxpayer protection" pledge to fortify her conservative credentials after polls showed her losing ground to Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman."

No.  Nuh-uh.

RINO Dede Scozzafava's declaration of convenience means nothing, and demonstrates a lack of integrity to go with her liberal bent.  I hope New York Republicans go big for Hoffman, even if the split vote results in a Dem pickup.  Because the Republican Party needs to be  convinced that running RINOs is the road to perdition.  Or face extinction. 

As for Gingrich, he signed onto the Global Warming charade.  'Nuff said.