Monday, October 18, 2010

smart kids, wot

Bedtime funnies

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.


Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. Name the four seasons

A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

(various)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Q. How can a man keep an erection?
A. Don't f@%k with it!

WV: feewe (you got a camera in my bathroom Rodg?)

Rodger the Real King of France said...

I don't know. Who are you?

Anonymous said...

Sorry bout that george here enjoying the fruits of your labor, thank you very much.

Kristopher said...

I'm hoping this was a bored teen being deliberately obtuse.

DougM said...

Uhm,
how many of those are s'post'a be wrong?

CDR J said...

When my son (now an Air Force officer) was in high school, he had to take trigonometry. He didn't need to pass it to graduate, he just had to take it.

On his final exam, one of the questions was "What is the law of sines?". Tom's answer was "The law of sines says you have to stop at a stop sine".

Post a Comment

Just type your name and post as anonymous if you don't have a Blogger profile.