I dunno, it turns me into an ass, mostly

apotheosizing the friday night toast

“” The horse and the mule live thirty years And nothing know of wines and beers. The goats and sheep at twenty die With never a taste of scotch or rye. The cow drinks water by the ton And at eighteen is mostly done. The dog at sixteen cashes in Without the aid of rum or gin. The cat in milk and water soaks And then in twelve short years it croaks. The sober, modest, bone-dry hen Lays eggs for nogs, then dies at ten. The animals are strictly dry They sinless live and swiftly die.    But sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men Survive for three score years and ten. By apotheosis And lest we neglect the buxom lass When she doth drink we get some ... (anon)