Friday, November 29, 2013

Texting Mom

Text from daughter to mom:

· "Hello mom, I need your advice. I have some of my boyfriend's cum stuck in my hair. How do I get it out? Will I have to cut it out?"

  Text from mom to daughter:

· "It’s nice you can send me such a frank text. No, you won't have to cut it out. I've had loads of cum in my hair over the years and it will just wash out."

· Daughter back to mom:

· "Oh my God, mom.......... sorry, I meant to spell gum."
Ron Metzger


"Who's been sleeping in my bed," cried baby bear?

A Class Act                                                   

Breaking: Obama NSA Spied On Porn Habits As Part Of Plan To Discredit Enemies


 "Obama is just the classiest guy ever," said Pootie Bear

Been there; Done that


New prosthetic devices allow patients to perform by merely thinking about action...

Begs the question, "Do women have wet dreams?"

Pipe Dreams of Obama Father


LIARS and Other Democrats                  

"If you're trying to change minds and influence people it's probably not a
good idea to say that virtually all elected Democrats are liars, but what the hell. 

Violent Communist Ayers Admits For Third Time He Wrote Obama's Memoir

Ayers preface Rollover

Trust: We know ObamaCare was sold on a lie, but what about the Obama presidency itself? Rumors that Obama's violent leftist pal Bill Ayers ghostwrote the memoir that launched his political career may actually be true.
Obama has always claimed authorship of his bestselling "Dreams From My Father."
But Ayers is telling a different story. In promoting his new book, "Public Enemy," Ayers' publisher, Beacon Press, has written a blurb on that says Ayers "finally 'confesses' that he did write 'Dreams From My Father.'"
The boast appears in other promotions for the book as well. For instance, a Baltimore bookstore — Red Emma's — last week posted a similar claim that Ayers penned Obama's memoir as part of an announcement for a book-signing event at the leftist coffeehouse.
The reprehensible former terrorist twice before laid claim to Obama's book — once during a post-election interview and again during a speech two years ago.
In October 2009, Ayers told an interviewer at Reagan National Airport in Washington that he wrote "Dreams From My Father." Asked if he meant he "heavily edited" the book for his friend, Ayers insisted, "I wrote it." [Full]
I predict that most of us will live to hear an admission about Obama's phony birth certificates as well.  The human mind however will allow his supporters, enablers and apologists to rationalize their way out of an honorable suicide, by way of an apology, that would be too late any way. 

My morning with Verizon


Outrage Upon Which I Will No Longer Put                          

Just for the record

Chat Subject:Forgot User Id & Password
Your Question: I have so many Verizon PWs that I can't keep track
A Verizon Representative will be with you shortly. Thank you.

Agent Mary has joined. (08:57:14)
Mary : Chat ID for this session is 112xxxxx. (08:57:14)
Mary(08:57:19): Thank you for choosing Verizon and visiting our chat service. I would be happy to help you.
For quality and security purposes, your session is recorded and may be monitored or reviewed. May I help you with your online registration, online bill pay or user id and password?
R CUSTOMER(08:58:11): I have so many Verizon PWs that I can't keep track. and cannot sign in
Mary(08:59:22): I apologize that you are having an issue accessing your online account, I will be happy to help you. Can I have your Verizon Home telephone number please?
R CUSTOMER(08:59:45): 999 999 9999
Mary(09:02:15): Thank you. Can I also have your first and last name please?
R CUSTOMER(09:02:43):  (NAME)
Mary(09:03:13): Thank you Mr. Royal Highness, one moment please while I pull up the account.
Mary(09:05:29): I was able to pull up the account and I do need to ask a couple of questions to verify. There is a secret question on file which is: What is the name of your first pet?
R CUSTOMER(09:05:52): bowzer
Mary(09:06:37): I apologize, but that is not the answer I show here. Is there any other pet name you can think of that might be listed there?
R CUSTOMER(09:07:11): spud
Mary(09:08:01): I am sorry, but that is not the answer I show either. Is there any other pet name you can think of that might be listed on the account?
R CUSTOMER(09:09:59): ??? does capitalization matter? Our first pet was Bowzer. my first dog was Spud, or maybe Klyde
Mary(09:12:09): Capitalization does not matter. I am sorry, but that is not the pet name I show here either.
Without that answer I would need to send you a temporary PIN to verify the account. I can send the PIN via an automated call to 999 999 9999 and you would get the call in 2-3 minutes. Are you at that number now?

R CUSTOMER(09:13:24): I want a telephone number I can call on My PHONE and talk with a live person ... this is why I am fed up with Verizom. Thank you.
Mary(09:14:35): I apologize for the frustration. If you would prefer to speak with an agent on the phone you can call 1 866 326 7937. I will tell you they will ask you the same questions I am and will have to follow the same procedures to verify the account without that secret answer.
Mary(09:16:45): I have not heard from you for a few moments. Would you like to continue this chat session?
R CUSTOMER(09:16:47): Am I to understand that calling you on my Verizon phone will cause me to verify that I am calling on my phone and answer ID questions that you have clearly screwed up? Who elese would be calling from MY home phone??
R CUSTOMER(09:18:13): Try the Pet name SLASHER
Mary(09:19:58): That is not the answer I show here, and because we did not confirm that within 3 attempts I do have to send the PIN to verify the account. I apologize for the frustration, I can tell you that without the answer to that question we can either send you a temporary PIN number to verify the account or if you prefer to speak with an agent over the phone the agent could call back the 999 999 9999 number to verify the account.
R CUSTOMER(09:20:29): Try Pet name SLASHER
Mary(09:22:14): That is not the name I show here. I am sorry. I do have to send a PIN in order to verify the account. If you are at the Home number now I can send that PIN and you would get the call in 2-3 minutes. If you will tell me the PIN it will verify the account so I can further assist you. Are you at that number now?
R CUSTOMER(09:23:24): send the pin number then - what user name will I use with it?
Mary(09:24:29): Once you get the PIN if you will tell me that number it will verify the account so I can help you with your log in information.
R CUSTOMER(09:24:46): okay
Mary(09:25:01): I did submit the request and you should receive that call in the next few minutes.


R CUSTOMER(09:27:20): temp pin is 1599
Mary(09:28:50): I apologize, but that is not the PIN number that I show here. I will be happy to submit the request again so you will be able to get that number.
R CUSTOMER(09:30:06): I'm going nuts try it again than
Mary(09:32:06): I apologize for the frustration, but that call should arrive in the next few minutes.


R CUSTOMER(09:35:01): its 1599 and I recorded that message
Mary(09:36:56): I apologize Mr. Royal Highness, but that is not the PIN number I show on file here. Please allow me a moment to check on some information to make sure we can get you the correct PIN and help you access your account.
This session will automatically timeout in one minute. Please respond.
R CUSTOMER(09:44:28): hello? I'm waiting for your response
Mary(09:46:08): I apologize for the wait Mr. Royal Highness. I am going to have the call with the PIN made by a live person to make sure you are able to get that number.
R CUSTOMER(09:46:25): do it
Mary(09:50:06): Thank you for your patience.
R CUSTOMER(09:50:25): You're welcome


Your session is now closed.
Welcome to Verizon Live Chat

That last phone call was Mary herself.  I was taken aback because here was a  very sweet American voice when I had expected Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.  When I again suggested that Verizon was a mess, and that I had recorded the conversation where I was given the PW 1599, she responded:

"But you typed 9599.
"I recorded it. Want to listen?   And I'm looking at the live transcript that shows 1599"

I wish I'd asked what I typed for the  "Pet name,"  she prolly got  "wowzer."

So there you have what it's like dealing with Verizon - and this was my third attempt at this  problem.
The last two times ended with me giving up and hoping that I could rely on Calvin Coolidge's  direction* (which is my life philosophy) would prevail, and solve itself.  Alas, no.  

I have four more problems with Verizon, including my FIOS bill that increases monthly as my available channels shrink.  Yesterday during Thanksgiving Dinner (which was maybe the most enjoyable in my lifetime) the girls were all discussing how they have to call Verizon every two months to bitch-slap their rates back to where they belong.  I'm way too, what's the  word, insane, that's the word.  I get way too insane dealing with entities who knowingly try to perp me (like our government). But I do love my Internet. 

Someday soon there will be countless services that provide broadband fiber service, and then I will be able to get rid of FIOS completely, and go to ala carte services like NetFlix and Hulu and Ooma.

*If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you. - Calvin Coolidge