Saturday, January 02, 2016

Dad Jokes

Res Ipsa Loquitur
Commit to memory; Be a hero to your
kids/grandkids— girls at the single bar


Juice said...

Good fun. Good laughs. Took me here -

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
Henny Youngman

Anonymous said...

A recent survey showed that 6 out of seven dwarves are not Happy.

Anonymous said...

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.


Anonymous said...

Did you hear about the woman who backed into a fan? Disaster.

Anonymous said...

Don't ever try to tell a pun to a kleptomaniac. They'll take it literally.

Rodger the Real King of France said...

What a list; I will rule!

Stu Tarlowe said...

Sometimes all you need is the punchline, e.g., "Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!" or "No, No, Nurse! I said prick his boil!"

Stu Tarlowe aka The Joke Wrangler

Anonymous said...

Lady to hardware store clerk:
"I need a 3/8" nut, please".
Clerk: "Do you want a screw for that?"
Lady: "No, but I'll blow you for that toaster over there!"

Phil N. LeBlanc

Anonymous said...

There was a young man who's Dad told him to go to Cox's to get a seer sucker suit but he slipped up and went to Sears.

pdwalker said...

Those are so awful.

I can't wait to use them on my kids.

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