S'plain Lucy

Actual Headlines Sessions says DOJ will investigate alleged FISA abuses OK Jeff, BUT Why are Strzok and Page Are Still There? Sultan Knish: Muslims Were America's Top Mass Shooters in Last 2 Out of 3 Years No Bail For Immigrants, SCOTUS Says Georgia Senate Blocks Delta Tax Break After Airline Severed Ties with the NRA Judge Nap: Order From New Judge in Michael Flynn Case Is 'Unheard-Of'  YouTube Smashes Charles Walton's 1st Amendment Rights

Actual Headlines

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED

DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS

FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE

IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS

EYE DROPS OFF SHELF

TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS

SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM

ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX

PLANE TOO CLOSE TO GROUND, CRASH PROBE TOLD

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE

TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES

2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS IN CHECKOUT COUNTER

KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS

DRUNKEN DRIVERS PAID $1000 IN ’84

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

IF STRIKE ISN’T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST A WHILE

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

ENFIELD COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

(Source)

Cali makes "Illegal Aliens" City Commisioners

Illegal Immigrants Appointed to City Commissions in California       Actual Headline Two Illegal Immigrants Appointed to City Commissions in California ... What your grandparents expected would follow Governor Reagan Sends National Guard into Huntington Park to Quell Insurrection Nest of illegal aliens take over government Flame Throwers and Huey Gunships Employed. You know how it's sometimes a blessing  when family members are so ill with an incurable disease that when they pass there's a sense of relief.  Their (and your) suffering is over.   I think God is preparing the nation for California sinking into the Abyss.

He was wearing a training bra too.

The Rest of the Oldentimey Story. Headline Man kicked off American Airlines plane after rage over 'Merry Christmas' greeting What your grandparents expected would follow An American Airlines passenger was hauled off a plane at La Guardia Airport after throwing a tantrum because the airline staff wished him a "Merry Christmas." According to a report from the New York Post, this particular Grinch was waiting to board American Airlines Flight 1140 to Dallas on Tuesday. When a gate agent greeting everyone the same way told him "Merry Christmas", he responded "You shouldn't say that because not everyone celebrates Christmas." "Well, what should I say then?" the agent reportedly replied. "Don't say, 'Merry Christmas!'" the man retorted, now shouting, before walking past her onto the boarding ramp. Many in the boarding queue heard the exchange.  Acting as one they pounced on the man and tore his trousers off, exposing pink "Hello Kitty" panties   Humiliated,  the man drank the bottle of hemlock offered by an elderly woman and expired while the crowd sang Joy To the World.

Tired Gay Story

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HEADLINES WE NEED

Headlines they'd expect ... Actual Headline on Drudge FBI: FERGUSON DECISION 'WILL LIKELY' LEAD TO VIOLENCE... What your grandparents expected would follow Governor warns that deadly force will be used against rioters ... President offers Gov. use of B-17s and Sherman tanks