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Signs Your Lifeguard Is Nuts
10. Before administering CPR, always removes his swim trunks
9. His e-mail address: www.floatin'wacko.com
8. After he rescues you, you're gutted, stuffed and mounted
in his rec room
7. Insists on being addressed as "Se#241#or Splashy"
6. Recently ended a three-year relationship with the diving
board
5. His motto: "A little drownin' never hurt nobody"
4. Once got kicked out of Sea World for biting off a
manatee's ear
3. Tries to save a drowning fat guy by baiting a fishhook
with a hot dog *
2. His partner: a life-size inflatable Pamela Lee
1. Rescues by appointment only
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