Monday, November 05, 2007

Diets

Purina Diet


Unplugged
A PERFECT DIET!

I have a Labrador retriever. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog? On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again - although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall, black guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I'd just been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought the black guy was going to have to have help as he laughingly staggered to the door.
MAB

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't spit all over the monitor anymore when I hear that story, 'cause I heard it before, but I love it so much that I'll probably grin for the next two hours thinking about being in that line. Thank you, Magnificent Schlong, nice way to start the day.
Lt. Col. Gen. Tailgunner dick

pdwalker said...

AHhahahaha....

Thanks! I needed that.

Anonymous said...

Well, I didn't spit because I'm not drinking anything! But. I've never heard it before, so's news to mes. Loved it. Loved it. Thanks for the laugh out loud. :D

Anonymous said...

I love tennis. Play everyday. I'm going to the Australian Open in January. Anyway, I'm in a tattoo shop a couple weeks ago, getting a flaming tennis ball tattooed on my arm. I brought a new tennis ball in so the guy would get the color right, so I'm sitting there, just off the court, in tennis gear and tennis shoes, holding a bright yellow tennis ball, getting a tennis ball inked on my arm. So this guy walks up and says, "You play tennis?"

Unfortunately, he went about a solid 220 and so I kept my mouth shut, but even the guy inking me rolled his eyes.
MM

Anonymous said...

I can see how the guy made that mistake. After all. You could have been an apostle of the sun god, Re......Well, you could've.

Anonymous said...

I was working at Customer Service,
a lady was returning bird seed,
there were 4-5 people in line behind her.
I asked her if there was something wrong with the bird seed, expecting to be told about mold.
She replied "It's stale."
I finished her transaction quickly, and as she left, a man in the line asked
"How does she know, did she taste it?"
Everybody laughed

Anonymous said...

I actually got to pull that gag on a checkout girl last year.....

I put my groceries on the belt and when she came to the bag of Rabbit Food she coo'ed "Ohhh, Do you have a bunny?"

I said, "No, I just like the crunch!"

She shook her head like a cartoon character and the woman behind me in line burst out laughing.....

;-))

Desert Cat said...

LOLSLAF
(laughing out loud, snorting like a fool)

Post a Comment

Just type your name and post as anonymous if you don't have a Blogger profile.