Curmudgeonly & Skeptical presents Boned Jello: Modern Presidential History

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Modern Presidential History

Preview of Coming Distractions

The Inaugural Address

As an Indonesian citizen who skipped the naturalization process altogether, and with it instruction in United States law and history, President Obama can be forgiven the spotty knowledge of both that he displayed during the campaign. With his past having been erased, Barack is scrambling to find an identity compatible with traditional values. He seems to have settled on an amalgam of Lincoln, FDR, and JFK. Here then are the fractured catch phrases we can expect from his Inaugural address on Tuesday. I'm not making this up.

“

Axe not what you have to fear. You have nothing to fear but but what government will do to you.

When I find out what Sen. Kennedy's been drinking, I'm sending a case to everyone in congress.

”

Rodger the Real King of France 1/18/2009 09:15:00 AM 20 Comments

"If the number of Islamic terror attacks continues at the current rate, candlelight vigils will soon be the number-one cause of global warming. "
Argus Hamilton

20 comments:

Anonymous said...: Some news jerk asked who isn't just thrilled to see the spectacle on Tuesday. I said NOT ME and my beloved wife just sighed. She is no messiah fan either but, she is growing tired of me bitching about it.

Guess $40 Million for Bush is bad and $150+ for the messiah is just fine? I for one will not bow down to this clown nor blindly march of to my doom like the lemmings of the left.; 1/18/09, 9:33 AM
Rodger the Real King of France said...: Just think, we're on hand at the beginning of a new nation. Wonder if it'll be as successful as America I?; 1/18/09, 10:48 AM
Anonymous said...: Ich bin ein hope'n changer.
A, uhm, day, er, of, uh, infamy.
Four score and fifty-seven years ago...
—DougM; 1/18/09, 12:32 PM
Anonymous said...: I think Victor Lutze would be good.
ozaob; 1/18/09, 2:30 PM
BobG said...: Instead of "Hail to the Chief" they'll probably be playing Handel's Hallelujah Chorus at Obama's inauguration.; 1/18/09, 3:26 PM
Anonymous said...: "I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick ██████████ colleagues."; 1/18/09, 4:13 PM
Anonymous said...: Should'a noted that as a (censored)FDR quote.; 1/18/09, 4:16 PM
Anonymous said...: Bob -- they prob'ly can't make up their mind 'twixt that and "O, Come Let Us Adore Him." I rewrote that'n a few weeks ago, but donno where I filed it on this new computer. Vista sucks.; 1/18/09, 6:01 PM
Anonymous said...: Also, I took the liberty of writing Uh-Bama's Inauguration Address and updating the Oath of Office for him. Can't remember where (if anyplace) I posted them, tho . . . prob'ly on KisP.; 1/18/09, 6:04 PM
Anonymous said...: FOX news drove me away today with their endless blather about the inauguration a whole two days before the event. I couldn't care less how many deluded idiots show up for The One's impending Sermon From the Hill. You'd think that he was expected to feed the multitudes with a sack of McFish sandwiches or something. If Fox is this bad I hope I don't accidentally tune into MSNBC.

I can't wait for this week to be over when the left will realize that everything hasn't suddenly become perfect.
GrinfilledCelt; 1/18/09, 6:10 PM
Anonymous said...: WASS (We Are So Screwed)

Cuzzin Rick; 1/18/09, 7:35 PM
Anonymous said...: I thought BET had just taken over every channel until She-Who-Never-Fails reminded me of the upcoming Immaculate Coronation.

Boneshaker; 1/18/09, 7:39 PM
Anonymous said...: You know, if the country does collapse under the weight of governmental debt and drops off into The Great Depression x², I think I will be all right.

I have a deer rifle, a KJV, and access to the family farm. A country boy can survive.; 1/18/09, 9:06 PM
Anonymous said...: Hmmmmm.... the house work and rebuild, less posting....
How was the baby shower?!! :))
Signed,
A girl
p.s. that is your future next grandchild. God Bless!; 1/18/09, 9:38 PM
Anonymous said...: Lincoln, FDR and JFK? Well, they all died in office.; 1/18/09, 10:48 PM
rockville said...: Video of the day, courtesy of Sondrak.com.

So, Rodger, do you ever entertain the notion of leaving the Old Line State for a more sensible one?

Sometime I do.; 1/18/09, 11:02 PM
Anonymous said...: So Tuesday afternoon all cats and dogs will eat out of the same bowl, the rags heads and Jews will holds hands and hug, Jesse Jackson will break bread with the KKK and I will take a writing class offered by Casa. the world will be made right. They have wore be down I am so depressed with the state of this country and were it is headed. I have quit watching fox news the only news I watch. On the up side it gives me more time to shoot, hunt , drink, and fish. all the good stuff.

Spanky; 1/19/09, 7:14 AM
Anonymous said...: I await the transcript of the speech. I'm afraid the real meat of the speech will be more empty rhetoric, or worse.

The king has no clothes. Long live the king.; 1/19/09, 8:43 AM
Anonymous said...: Here's the text of the speech:

Obamessiah’s Inaugural Address

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vice President Chia Pet, Madame Squeaker, Mr. Chief Honkey, Bush One, Bush the Sequel, Slick, Hildebeest, Mother Oprah, The Exceptionally Reverend Wright, Jess, Dr. Farrakhan, Mr. Bill Ayers, Brothahs, and fools:

Today we begin a new chapter in Western civilization, a ground-breaking, precedent-making, dynasty-shattering, wealth-scattering death of the rich good ol’ boy era and birth of po’ homeboy good times. We movin on up!

Now I have spoken with Almighty Allah to discuss the oath prescribed for my predecessors, and we have come up with some new ideas. I now hold in my hands the power to eradicate black poverty and share Whitey’s wealth amongst my own peeps for a change. The issues which plagued this land in previous administrations -- discrimination, disappointment, denial, degradation, and disadvantage -- will be shifted from the tired back of the poor black and put to right on the privileged white.

Let’s face it, Brothers: WE are the heirs of this nation’s wealth. WE are the power with barefoot soles which picked the bolls. WE are the steam which mopped the flo’s and opened the do’s. WE are the energy which made the catch and won the match.

This is the day we let every nation witness our acknowledgement of debt to those who have gone before, and with the wealth of our Arab cousins and the wisdom of our mentor, Karl Marx, this is the day America begins reparations to the source of all human life, Mother Africa.

This is the day we let every nation know that we have no interest in the governments of our sister lands such as Iraq and Iran and Afghanistan, no interest in dictating to our peace-loving Muslim brothers living quiet and purposeful lives under the serene rule of Allah, no interest in depriving less fortunate emerging nations their rightful place in the nuclear weapons fraternity and the nationalization of Western investment companies’ assets.

This is the day we let every nation know that we share the pain of unfortunate people of color in the huts and shanties and villages of half the globe who live in misery and spend their entire daily efforts just to feed themselves that the wealth of America is coming to change their lands and restore hope to their lives.

This is the day we let every nation know that we will submit to the rule of the United Nations, with whose good will toward all mankind, good judgment in resource management, and good sense in preventing conflict throughout the world we can bring not only change and hope, but peace and plenty to all people.

In the entire history of this nation, no person of color has ever been allowed the role of protector of the sons of Mother Africa from a position within the bastions of white domination. I welcome that responsibility. The ethnic loyalty of black voters along with the accumulated guilt of the descendants of oppressors kindled the torch of pride, fueled the flame of payback, and fed the fire of freedom to light our way along that highway of change and up that mountain of hope to bring Dr. King’s wet dream to reality.

Together we can let that flame burn away the painful reminders of oppression and exploitation of the black race. Together we can let that torch illuminate the path toward the end of poverty through redistributing the wealth of white people. Together we can let the message of Das Kapital shine brightly in the light of freedom’s fire as it burns away the tangled undergrowth on the shores of Lake Liberation.

And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what Obama can do for you; ask what you can do for Obama.

And my fellow citizens of the world, ask not what your government can do for you, but what you can do with the shared wealth of America.

And finally, whether you are the president of a failed bank, the CEO of a dinosaur automobile corporation, the manager of an overextended mortgage company, or even a polar bear, you can sleep peacefully and confidently, secure in the knowledge that we can print pictures of Ben Franklin faster than you can spend them on cruises, golden parachutes, bonuses, and carbon credits.

Salaam to all my brothers, and to all the Whiteys, get ready to bend over.

Allahu Akbar.; 1/19/09, 4:17 PM
cmblake6 said...: Aloha Snackbar! Alum Fubar!
Hmm. Very strange how my "captcha" word looks a lot like fellatio.; 1/21/09, 12:43 AM

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Modern Presidential History

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