Wednesday, September 02, 2009


Subject: Stimulus Check

Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.
This is a very exciting new program. I will explain it using the Q and A format: 

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up

 Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

• If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
• If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
• If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
• If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .
• If you buy a car, it will go to Japan .
• If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
• If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

 Instead, keep the money in America by: 

1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer or
5 tattoos.

 (These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)
A true American will therefore go to a ball game and drink beer with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a
yard sale!



Anonymous said...

Yes, but the ball player will send the money back to his family in Santo Domingo.


Anonymous said...

Your stimulus check is best spent on a fishing guide in Everglades National Park. That may be already lumped in with prostitution, I'm not sure.


JMcD said...

In San Francisco that tattooed prostitute is a guy named Mo....He probably prefers white wine.

Anonymous said...

Spend it on an AR-15.

They are almost all 100% domestic production.

Anonymous said...

Wellp, I could use a new Harley.

Kristophr said...

Junk silver coins.

A 1963 quarter contained a quarter ounce of silver, and could buy a loaf of bread in 1963.

one quarter ounce of silver today is worth $3.85 .... about the cost of a good loaf of bread ( or maybe two loaves of plain white bread ).

Anonymous said...

Simply Rugged Holsters and belts: made in the USA.

CDR J said...

With the new Consumer Product Safety "Improvement" Act, selling things at a garage sale may become a felony. I think it says that if you sell anything that was subject to a recall, you are in trouble. I may also be a problem selling anything that could be used by kids unless it has been tested and certified as being "safe".

Anonymous said...

Lots of weapons made in the USA, and buy domestic ammo!

and yes, Rob, I gotta get another holster or two Still deciding on plain or basket weave.

Anonymous said...

Plain or basket weave? One of each, of course:-)

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