"I didn't say you were ugly. I said your
girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you
look ugly."
"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was
to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this
cream on your pecker."
"Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage
where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature
blowing the neighbor."
"Don't start a story with This is SO funny. Be
like saying My dick's huge before you screw. Even if you're right you
sound like an asshole."
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