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That, a question asked
of Matt Labash on Daily
Caller. Simple answer number one is: "Matt C., you ignorant slut. Your key
words are "next year," so don't angst-out already. By that
time it will be manifestly clear that Sarah Palin is the genuine
product, and only choice if you're actually interested
in making us great again.." But, oh no.
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I’m
not going to tell you whom to vote for yet, since the cycle is still
young, and we’re not even certain who is running. I’m personally
keeping a keen eye on the Bolton candidacy. Not John Bolton – Michael.
I’m hoping he gets in. He used to date Marla Maples, so he might be due
for a Trump-like surge. And I think he has posed some important
questions that the other candidates have shied away from, such as “How
can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?”
- John Bolton – Don’t get me
wrong, I loved his work in the Quaker
Oats commercials and as a guitarist for the Doobie
Brothers. But I never truly trust guys with walrus moustaches. What
are they hiding in there? Odds of winning: 10,000— snip
- Herman Cain – Cain interests me.
He’s got executive experience. He’s got the fire. He can pull in black
Republicans – all fourteen of them — snip
- Ron Paul — I like Ron Paul. He’s
quirky. He’s un-slick. He says what he means, and has actual
convictions ... There are many good reasons not to vote for Ron Paul,
as you’ll find out if you ever attend a Ron
Paul convention.
- Newt Gingrich — In many ways, the
‘90s was a great decade. It gave us the Internet, budget surpluses,
welfare
reform, and The Rachel hairstyle. Some things, however, are better left
in the 90s: — snip
- Sarah Palin —
I refuse to say anything negative about Sarah Palin, since every time I
do, I spend the next six weeks digging out from vicious hate mail. What
her fans lack in perspective [? you fkn a**hole!],
they make up for with passion. So here’s hoping that someone, if not
Palin, can find a way to harness that passion and change America for
the better. — snip
- Michele Bachmann — A
rich man’s Sarah Palin. Odds: 18-1
- Donald Trump — this morning, I spent
much time looking at photos of birds’ nests, and would belatedly like
to offer Mr. Trump a retraction. His hair does not resemble an
abandoned nest.— snip
Blah Blah Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee, Tim Pawlenty, Mitch
Daniels,Blah , —
and funally
- Chris Christie –
Too portly to be president. (Side note to readers: here, I am using
tricky reverse psychology. After nearly a year of garnering glowing
national press, Christie is so used to everybody fawning all over him,
that the best way to make him run, is to pretend that you don’t want
him to. And to abuse him. So stop chubby chasing, conservative
pundits.) Odds of winning if he runs: 2-1. Odds of running: he said
he’d rather commit suicide. Faced with the current crop of candidates,
I can relate.
[Ful
Fun] |
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