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The
Obvious Truth
SIGMUND FREUD has established for all time that a cigar can be a penis
substitute. At about the same time Rudyard Kipling observed that while
a woman was only a woman, "a good cigar was a smoke." Lighting up and
reflecting on this, Sigmund Freud agreed that a cigar could, in certain
places, be "only a cigar." For nearly three decades now, millions of
American men, including even politicians such as Nancy Pelosi, have
been unable to make this fundamental distinction.
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In this
allegorical tour de force by
vanderleun, a review of recent goings-on through the eyes, er ... eye of the American Penis (AP) .
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In
any reasonable society this signal failure of perception would be a
tragedy shared by both sexes. But fortunately for the future of the
country, millions of American women have lately come to prefer cigars
to penises. Their decision is not utterly without a sunny side since
millions of American men have decided - faced with this doleful
feminine reality and subsequent weight gain - to prefer penises to both
cigars and women.
Both of these responses are islands of light in
an era of increasing darkness, but the central tragedy still remains.
If things are not clearly out of hand in America's sexual circus (And
indeed the declining birth rate and rising divorce rate demonstrates
that things are probably all too often in hand), then they are at least
at sixes and nines. In this paper we will study the reasons for
the decline of the American Penis, and what can be done to hasten
its resurrection. [more
stand-up comedy]
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End comments as delicious as this from WonHuangLo extend the fun.
Do your balls hang low,
Can you tie 'em in a bow,
Can you throw 'em over your shoulder,
Like a continental soldier,
Do you swing 'em to the left,
Do you swing 'em to the right,
Do your balls hang low.
Clap Clap Clap [Ahem]
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