Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Help Wanted

I'm swamped just now ...
is there a lawyer in the house?
Dear Counsel,

My name is Zaira Hoshiko. I am contacting your firm in regards to a Divorce settlement/collection with my ex husband Allen Hoshiko who resides in your jurisdiction. I am hereby seeking your firm’s assistance in collecting the balance from him.

Your's truly,
Zaira Hoshiko

Out Damned Tat

If one were to believe this question in Yahoo! Answers, SaQuinta Bently is a black woman who has seen the light. In her own words:

I have a FILTHY tattoo of Obama’s face on my gut. How can I remove it?
There’s a fortune to be made, my friends.

scene on a teleprompter

scene on a teleprompter

Crip Hatin' Blood

A Crip Scared of Blood?
Either this dude has more balls than I do or he's dumber than I am.

Tain't no python

This is a 15 foot Eastern Diamondback rattlesnake - the largest ever caught on record, in fact. This snake was found just south of Jacksonville FL.

DonM's big snake

The legend is that Barn Army Lt. CPL Don M was in Florida to pick up an extradited fugitive, when he heard screams and hollerin' from deputies behind the jail.  Don jumped on what he thought was a python and strangled it. When he found out it was a rattlesnake,  he turned ashen and said, "Sumbitch, I'm allergic to rattlesnake pizen! Good thing it only bit me in the ass, what's saddle-leathered and don't puncture so good."
        More facts.
  1. · One bite from a snake of this size would contain enough venom to kill over 40 full grown men.
  2. · The head of this snake alone is larger than the hand of a normal sized man.
  3. · A bite from those fangs would comparable to being stabbed by two curved, 1/4 inch diameter screwdrivers.
  4. · The knife being used to draw out the fangs for the bottom picture has a blade around 4 inches long.
  5. · This snake is estimated to have weighed over 170 pounds. (How much do you weigh?)
  6. · Notice the girth of this snake as compared to the leg in the first picture (and he is not a small man).
  7. · A snake of this size could easily swallow a 2 year-old child (and dogs, pigs, etc).
  8. · A snake this size has an approximately 5 1/2 foot accurate striking distance. (The distance for an average size rattlesnake is about 2 feet.)
  9. · This snake has probably been alive since George Bush Sr. was President.
  10. · Now just ask yourself these questions: What has this snake been feeding on and where are its offspring?
We're all proud of you Don!

Baby's First Carcass

Mrs. Wiggins gets hired

Wednesday is Forget the ass-hat in the White House, and what Liberals have done to our country Day

NSFW (language - 4 S--Ts and 1 F word)

Frank & Evvy

Democrats Shrugged

‘Atlas Shrugged’: First Movie to Target the Tea Party

About 9 million adults are active Tea Partiers, and 45 million support the movement, a CBS/New York Times poll says.
  Atlas Shrugged, a novel in which society’s most productive citizens choose to disappear, was published in 1957, and filmmakers have spent nearly every year since trying to adapt it. They finally succeeded, and the first part of what’s planned as a trilogy comes out April 15. If you didn’t know that, it’s likely you’re not a member of the Tea Party.
Democrats Shrugged
If you didn’t know that, it’s likely you’re not a member of the Tea Party.
How 'Atlas Shrugged' Shocked Hollywood's Marketing Machine
"Shocking," one executive said about the healthy business the low-budget film has been doing considering its "awful" marketing plan.
The greater the Democrat's effort the heavier the world bore down on their shoulders.  Shrug.

The Douche

On a serious note ...

cuzzin ricky

Wilmer McClean


Apropos of nothing, here's something even War Between the States (aka Civil War) buffs prolly don't know.  At least this one didn't.

Confederate Ball
The initial engagements on July 18, 1861, in what would become the First Battle of Bull Run, fought on July 21, took place on Wilmer McLean's farm in Manassas, VA.

 Brigadier General P.G.T. Beauregard, CSA, later reminisced:

 "A comical effect of this artillery fight was the destruction of the dinner of myself and staff by a Federal shell that fell into the fire-place of my headquarters at the McLean House."

Wilmer McClean, an erstwhile major of the Virginia militia,  was too old at 47 to muster for this kerfluffle.  Instead, McClean worked as a sugar broker for the CSA.   Because of his proximity to the Union army, and perhaps a second battle of Bull Run that ruined his tomato patch, Wilmer moved his family about 120 miles south to Appomattox County, Virginia.
(I see light bulbs flickering).

 "On April 9, 1865, the war came back to Wilmer McLean when Confederate General Robert E. Lee surrendered to Lieutenant General Ulysses S. Grant in the parlor of McLean's house near Appomattox Court House, effectively ending the Civil War."

Later, McLean is supposed to have said "The war began in my front yard and ended in my front parlor

Sadly, this CSA patriot ended his days in infamy, working for ... for *why God why?* the Internal Revenue Service. See more fun details at Wikipedia, from whence I took this story.

Tom Mann

Farewell Dear Asusna

From the Men Are Beasts File
Farewell Dear Asusna ...

She a Blood

This Just In ..

This just in ...

Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue.  Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.
In other news... we all remember when KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) offered a "Hillary" meal,  consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs.  Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket."  It consists of nothing but left wings and assholes.
Just keeping you up to date

El Jefe