Curmudgeonly & Skeptical presents Boned Jello: Bond Films

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Bond Films

BONDAGE

"Seagram's Vodka Martini Stirred, Not Shaken, With a Dash of YooHoo."

My standard for all Bond movies is From Russia with Love, the best and last of the genre before the comedy writers took over. After Live and Let Die, where Jackie Gleason played the cartoonish redneck Sheriff Buford T. Justice, I've not paid to see another, and even eschewed most television offerings.

Fast-forward about 20 years. Earlier this month I watched Daniel Craig (the best Bond?) in Skyfall, and thought it well done. So I tried Die Another Day (Brosnan) and found it entertaining. Hmmm. Sunday I rolled the dice again with an earlier Brosnan, The World Is Not Enough. The screen caps below say all that needs saying about this clunker, where the Brits team with Russia to foil a plot to nuke an oil pipeline. Success depends on top Russian nuclear physicist Christmas Jones, as unconvincing a nerd as Jerry Lewis in the Nutty Professor. And that was supposed to be funny (but wasn't).

Top Russina Nuclear Physisist Dr. Christmas Jones (Denise Richards) in The World Is Not Enough

Of course Bond eventually pleasures her in the fadeout as M watches the infrared heaving on her monitor. Oh my.

But, that's not what prompts me to do this posting. Last night I watched the newest Rowan Atkinson Bond parody, Johnny English 3 (clip). Not only is it the best (I actually laughed out loud three times), but I found myself thinking, "Hey, if this was released as a James Bond film it would ranked among the best."

Rodger the Real King of France 1/20/2015 11:29:00 AM 12 Comments

"If the number of Islamic terror attacks continues at the current rate, candlelight vigils will soon be the number-one cause of global warming. "
Argus Hamilton

12 comments:

Anonymous said...: I have a photo of Robert Oppenheimer in a thong that will crush your isotopes.; 1/20/15, 12:34 PM
Nelson said...: At least "Christmas Jones" wasn't as obviously a slut name as "Pussy Galore" was, or "Dr. Goodhead", or some of the other classic ones. I mean, seriously? They could get away with that isht?!?; 1/20/15, 2:03 PM
DougM said...: Johnny English looks promising.
Now, as for the delectable Christmas Jones.; 1/20/15, 2:22 PM
Rodger the Real King of France said...: Doug's Christmas Jones link is priceless parody. No, satire.; 1/20/15, 2:48 PM
Leonard Jones said...: At least I got it in the right place this time!

I own every bond film from the original Casino Royale
starring Barry Nelson to the last Craig movie with the
exception of the Brosnan titles.

Nelson, Connery, Lazenby, Moore, Dalton and Craig all
played the part of James Bond with style and each had
their own strengths and weaknesses.

The Remington Steele Bond movies were far too cartoonish
and flamboyant. I do not know who made the mistake of
picking Brosnan, but it was like casting Pee Wee Herman
as the Terminator!; 1/20/15, 4:43 PM
Anonymous said...: James Bond movies jumped the shark a long time ago, after the writers decided to not use communist country dictators or even Islamic villains as the threat (you know, real life villains). Don't get me wrong, I love the new Craig Bond, but for several movies now, possibly all the way back to Brosnan, Bond and M keep asking the question "Are we still relevant?"

BTW, a piece of good folklore about Pussy Galore. When Bond wakes in the airplane and hears, "My name is Pussy Galore", Connery shoots back "I must be dreaming". Legend has it that the original line was going to be "I'll be the judge of that", and was considered much too risque for the times. drummermanrick; 1/20/15, 7:12 PM
Anonymous said...: My favorite Bond line. Or lines as it were.....

James Bond: Weren't you a blonde when I came in?

Tiffany Case: Could be.

James Bond: I tend to notice little things like that - whether a girl is a blonde or a brunette.

Tiffany Case: Which do you prefer?

James Bond: Well, as long as the collar and cuffs match...; 1/20/15, 8:34 PM
DougM said...: ^ My favorite line from that movie.; 1/20/15, 9:49 PM
Unknown said...: I'm glad your headline said "Stirred, not shaken". That's how it was in the novels, "so as not to bruise the gin".

I'm not sure when it was changed to "shaken, not stirred"; maybe it was felt it had better rhythm, but the truth is that shaking a martini is a convenience for the bartender and does not yield a superior cocktail (unless one prefers the little shards of ice that inevitably become part of the shaken mixture).

Anybody who makes a show of ordering a martini "shaken, not stirred" is a poseur who doesn't know dick about martinis.

Then again, it's said that if you ever find yourself marooned on an uncharted desert island, with no hope of ever seeing another human, just start to build yourself a martini and someone will pop up out of nowhere to tell you that you are doing it WRONG!; 1/20/15, 10:50 PM
Anonymous said...: Stu, it's one of my favorite peeves, and based in ignorance. You NEVERNEVERNEVER shake good booze. It adulterates the booze with air and whatever funk the ice is carrying, and it all carries funk. Who ordered the cloudy funky tasting cocktail?

Casca; 1/21/15, 12:50 PM
Unknown said...: Well-put, Casca.

OTOH, it does occur to me that notable martini aficionadim Nick and Nora Charles hardly ever went anywhere without a full shaker at hand.; 1/21/15, 1:00 PM
Anonymous said...: Sometimes a shaker is just for stirring.

Casca; 1/23/15, 12:39 PM

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Bond Films

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