Friday, January 20, 2017

String Theory


You're Welcome


Anonymous said...

One day two carrots, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured carrot called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured carrot was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured carrot, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to live."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".


DougM said...

{insert pun/joke here}
Yeah, gettin' lazy.

Anonymous said...

Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don't hit the ducks in your first three months here!!!

The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks, "The
ducks? "Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he quacks--then the one next to him quacks and soon they're all quacking to beat the band and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you'll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy."
Upon entering the course, the men note that there were indeed large
numbers of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit a duck. The duck quacked, the
one next to it quacked, and soon there was a deafening roar of duck quacks.

St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asks, "Who
hit the duck?" The guy who had done it admitted, "I did." St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man's
right hand to the homely woman's left hand.

"I told you not to hit the ducks,", he said. Now you'll be handcuffed
together for eternity."

The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of
weeks later, one of them accidentally hit a duck. The quacks were as deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman.

St. Peter cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. "I
told you not to hit the ducks," he said; "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity."

The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn't even move for
fear of even nudging a duck. After three months of this he still hadn't hit a duck.

St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months and had with
him a knock-out gorgeous woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever
seen. St. Peter smiled to the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him
to the beautiful woman and walked off.

The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity,
let out a contented sigh, and wondered aloud, "I wonder what I did to deserve

The woman said, "I don't know about you, but I hit a duck."

David said...

As an elderly couple moved well past middle age, the wife decided that they needed to take better care of themselves.

She put them both on a diet. She minimized meat, sugar, breads and increased their consumption of fruits and vegetables.

And they stayed healthy, and lived many years of calorie counting, and denying themselves many of the simple pleasures of life.

But eventually as we all do they passed on - together.

They arrived at the pearly gates and were welcomed with open arms. They were shown to a quaint cottage that had everything they could ask for except a kitchen.

When they asked St. Peter about this he told them "We dine together here." And he showed them to the community cafeteria.

It was a massive place with every kind of food anyone could imagine. As the old man stood staring longingly at a table covered with desserts, his wife told St. Peter, "We are on a diet."

St. Peter replied "Not here you aren't. Here you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want, and as much as you want. You will never gain weight, or be ill."

Hearing this the old man turned to his wife and said "You and your damned diet. We could have been here years ago."

Rodger the Real King of France said...

Happy days are here again ... I hear laughter

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