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Of our first subject, the Vicar John, let us note that he overcame a
birth of low station through vigorous enterprise, fine grooming, and a
tongue deft in weaving tragic tales of indigence; first as a simple
shire barrister and then as an ordained minister at the Abbey of
Washingtown. "Brethren, in my travels I have observed that we live in
two shires," he was wont to tell his rapt parishioners. "One with which
you are familiar; whose roofs are handsomely thatched and in whose
plump bellies rest a gluttonous supper of lamb's-pudding. Yet, and
alas, there is another shire; one in which dwell the miserable wretches
laid low by our sinful and unrepentant avarice. Wretches like this
unfortunate filthy lad, who has not a morsel eaten in the last
fortnight."
Upon which he would dispatch some soiled and peckish urchin into the
congregation with the offering-basket, to fetch indulgences from the
weeping flock of penitents. These sermons and indulgences proved quite
lucrative to Vicar John, and he soon lavished upon himself great
indulgences of his own; a baronial rectory in the country-side, satin
waistcoats and breeches, silver buckle pumps, the finest Italianate
wigs, and a staff of haberdashers and barbers for their tending. From
Huffingtown to Pandagon to ... continued
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Marc Miller
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