Thursday, January 08, 2009

Pulling the Duty

A Secret Plan

Mitch Hedberg Vein

Comedy Gold
Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
I discovered Mitch Hedberg a few months after he evidently killed himself.  He is Steve Wright on uppers, literally, as it turns out. Anyway, finding his stuff is pretty hard, so this is like finding a gold mine.  If you're not familiar with Mitch, stick with him for 4-5 clips.  I consider him a comic genius. NSFW - language.  BTW, this site is a real treasure, the only place I've been able to find Margaret Smith, another comedian I very much enjoy.

Hawk Lunch?

Bob The Hawk is a Pussy
I watched this very hawk swoop down, grab a grackle and eviscerate  it's squawking, living victim in front of me.  So when I happened to notice Bob perched over our Wild Bill bird feeder, and watched as a copula tree rats made the scene, I grabbed the camera, ready for excitement. Buy ...  WTFF?

Batteries not included

The Bananas That Won't Die

I bought a bunch of green bananas from BJ's, circa December 18, 2008.  Do it all the time. A bunch, maybe a dozen, from BJ's cost about 1.29, while banana's from Giant are $1.29 a pound.  The banana is a core ingredient in our morning cocktail, so we use a fair amount.  Anyway, a bunch of green bananas will usually ripen over a period of a week, by which time they've been et. Not these.  The first one required use of my sharpest knife to denude it.  The pulp had the consistency chopped nuts, and tasted not so much like banana.  This is the next to last one, from this morning.  The pictures speak for themselves.  I know what you're saying, "Rodge, you boyishly handsome dildo, that's plantain!"  But I use plantain quite often, generally fried, and served with Caribbean cuisine.  Ain't never seen plantain like these.

Here's what I think.  I think now that the Banana republics no longer fear our CIA, their scientists have genetically altered the banana by crossing it with particle board to reduce spoilage.  That's what I think.  Presidents from Ike to Ronnie would have overthrown these gummints, but not this current crop of Chavez loving arseholes who rule us today.  Trust me, this is just the tip of the banana. 

Dibs on Pinch

Time To Let 'Er Rip?

I know I'm correct to believe that the only chance the United States has to survive, in semblance of our late, great selves, is via  civil war,  because the national  public debate, that give-and-take shunt which directed poisonous bile away from the  body politic, is  plugged.  There is no public debate.  There is only leftist dictate. There is obscene corruption.  There is helplessness, which will build into a fury. Count on it.

Here, conveniently presented below, is an excerpt from Coulter's book, that has the media gasping for more life sustaining sulfurous fumes.  And here's Coulter's item by item response to Media Matters, the Hillary Clinton//George Soros contrivance, of  which pollster Frank Luntz charged is  “one of the most destructive organizations associated with American politics today … They are vicious."  Coulter is spot-on, but it doesn't matter. When a tree falls in this forest, it's only reported if it impacts a  northern spotted owl, not crushes hope and freedom.

Think what a bus-sized meteorite hitting midtown  Manhattan could do for us. And pray for it.  I'm too old to be digging punji pits in Baltimore.
When the Obama family materialized, the media was seized by a mass psychosis that hadn't been witnessed since Beatlemania. OK! magazine raved that the Obamas "are such an all-American family that they almost make the Brady Bunch look dysfunctional." Yes, who can forget the madcap episode when the Bradys' wacky preacher tells them the government created AIDS to kill blacks!
 
Still gushing, OK! magazine's crack journalists reported: "Mom goes to bake sales, dad balances the checkbook, and the girls love Harry Potter" -- and then the whole family goes to a racist huckster who shouts, "God damn America!"
 
Months before network anchors were interrogating vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin on the intricacies of foreign policy, here is how NBC's Brian Williams mercilessly grilled presidential candidate Barack Obama: "What was it like for you last night, the part we couldn't see, the flight to St. Paul with your wife, knowing what was awaiting?"
 
Twisting the knife he had just plunged into Obama, Williams followed up with what has come to be known as a "gotcha" question: "And you had to be thinking of your mother and your father." Sarah Palin was memorizing the last six kings of Swaziland for her media interviews, but Obama only needed to say something nice about his parents to be considered presidential material.
 
The media's fawning over Obama knew no bounds, and yet, in the midst of the most incredible media conspiracy to turn this jug-eared clodhopper into some combination of Winston Churchill and a young Elvis, you were being a bore if you mentioned the liberal media. Oh surely we've exploded that old chestnut. ... Look! Look, Obama just lit up another Marlboro! Geez, does smoking make you look cool, or what! Yeah, Obama!.
 
The claim that there's no such thing as a left wing press is a patent lie said to enrage conservatives. Newspapers read like the press under Kim Jung Il, which, outside of a police state, looks foolish. The prose is straight out of The Daily Worker, full of triumphal rhetoric with implicit exclamation points. Still, their chanted slogans fill your brain, like one of those bad songs you can't stop humming.
 
There is no other explanation for the embarrassing paeans to Obama's "eloquence." His speeches were a run-on string of embarrassing, sophomoric Hallmark card bromides. It seemed only a matter of time before Obama would slip and tell a crowd what a special Dad it had always been to him.
 
The major theme of Obama's campaign was the audacity of his running for president. He titled his keynote address at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, "The Audacity of Hope" –- named after a sermon given by his spiritual mentor Jeremiah Wright, whom we were not allowed to mention without being accused of playing dirty tricks. (Rejected speech titles from sermons by Rev. Wright included "God Damn America!," "The U.S. of K.K.A." and "The Racist United States of America.")
 
What is so audacious about announcing that you're running for president? Every U.S. Senator has run for president or is currently thinking about running for president. Dennis Kucinich ran for president. Lyndon LaRouche used to run for president constantly.
 
But the media were giddy over their latest crush. Even when Obama broke a pledge and rejected public financing for his campaign -- an issue more dear to The New York Times than even gay marriage -- the Times led the article on Obama's broken pledge with his excuse. "Citing the specter of attacks from independent groups on the right," the Times article began, "Sen. Barack Obama announced Thursday that he would opt out of the public financing system for the general election."
 
So he had to break his pledge because he was a victim of the Republican Attack Machine.
 
When Obama broke his word and voted for the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act bill (FISA), the Times' editorial began: We are shocked and dismayed by Sen. Obama's vote on ... oh, who are we kidding? We can't stay mad at this guy! Isn't he just adorable? Couldn't you just eat him up with a spoon? Is he looking at me? Ohmigod, I think he's looking at me!!!! Couldn't you just die?
 
It has ever been thus. 
 "Guilty: Liberal Victims and Their Assault on America"