Thursday, May 05, 2011

Eric Holder's bin Laden Moment

Eric Holder's bin Laden Moment

Media Manipulation

Bless me father, I manipulated myself 172 times.  Today. So far.

They can and do manipulate

1. ABC Yawns: Not Interested in Whether Waterboarding Helped Kill bin Laden

2. Barbara Walters Gushes Over Obama's 'Enormously Courageous' Decision to Kill Bin Laden

3. ABC News Religion Correspondent: I Can't Judge Whether bin Laden Was 'Evil'

Getting the last crumbs

Obama administration floats draft plan to tax cars by the mile
Getting the last crumbs

Amazon Dildos; Science Fair; LOL

Today's overflow


Bad, bad writing

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River

At the O-Club last night Pappy cited some of the 56 worst/best analogies of high school students. e.g.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

“Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

Anonymoose responded:

 Pappy: I used to collect that sort of bad writing. Some of the best were published in National Lampoon, in their True Facts section. They were collected by an "unnamed editor of serious fiction", which turned out to be Analog Science Fiction and Fact, one of the last magazines to take unsolicited manuscripts. Here is some of their best.

 I've listed a few below, because I have no self control. And, what's wrong with "
The light that was Frannie went out?"  I think that's from a story I submitted. Bastids.
His teacher asked, "Peter, was you annoying Jeanette?"

His organ began to beat so hard he thought it would pop out of his chest.

When Sue and Bob came home, they found their cook in the kitchen, shot to death. "That does it!" Bob said, exasperated. "We're moving!"

Then, when man's hatred for his brother had ripened like a swollen fruit, the fighting started and like a bastard child we named it the Civil War.

"Well," she said suavely, "viola for now."

So, how's Tricks?
The sudden expulsion of air caused the pouches of skin he used for cheeks to flutter like sails before a stiff wind.

Mrs. Rogers said, "I'm sorry I lost my temper, but I was grumpy, and when I'm grumpy I get grouchy."

The editor sighed. Look at all those Type O's.

The four-story ranch house, flanked by cypress columns, looked majestically down on Route 66.

It was like an old Alan Ladd movie I saw with Veronica Lake.

"An omelet for mademoiselle," Jimmy pronounced, "and an 'amburger pour moi."
I think that was when I fell in love with him.

I knew I had a bestseller in me--all I had to do was plumb my depths and out it would come, like some literary bowel movement.

"Os swoh skcirt?" Jack asked when I arrived at the office. "I'm fine, Jack," I said. "But you know I hate it when you talk backwards.

With her splendid blond mane and her ripe figure, Sally splendidly embodied the splendor of our American continent.

Dan wasn't much, Clara admitted, but at least he was an up-and-coming lawyer or businessman.

Clues don't kill people, the inspector thought. People kill people.

George Cohan soundlessly placed his lips to hers and excused himself to go and fix them another drink.

Matt Labash’s Idiot’s Guide

Matt Labash’s Idiot’s Guide to the 2012 Republican Presidential Primary
  Dear Matt, I’m a conservative who plans to vote in the Virginia presidential primary next year. But I’m torn. There are so many Republicans running for president, I can’t make sense of the field. The non-crazy candidates are all boring, and the non-boring candidates are all crazy. Whom do you think I should support? —Matt C.
Palin on Water

That, a question asked of Matt Labash on Daily Caller.  Simple answer number one is: "Matt C., you ignorant slut.  Your key words are "next year,"  so don't angst-out already.  By that time it will be manifestly clear that Sarah Palin is the genuine product, and  only choice if you're actually interested in making us great again.."  But, oh no.
I’m not going to tell you whom to vote for yet, since the cycle is still young, and we’re not even certain who is running. I’m personally keeping a keen eye on the Bolton candidacy. Not John Bolton – Michael. I’m hoping he gets in. He used to date Marla Maples, so he might be due for a Trump-like surge. And I think he has posed some important questions that the other candidates have shied away from, such as “How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?”
  • John Bolton –  Don’t get me wrong, I loved his work in the Quaker Oats commercials and as a guitarist for the Doobie Brothers. But I never truly trust guys with walrus moustaches. What are they hiding in there? Odds of winning: 10,000— snip
  • Herman Cain – Cain interests me. He’s got executive experience. He’s got the fire. He can pull in black Republicans – all fourteen of them — snip
  • Ron Paul — I like Ron Paul. He’s quirky. He’s un-slick. He says what he means, and has actual convictions ... There are many good reasons not to vote for Ron Paul, as you’ll find out if you ever attend a Ron Paul convention.
  • Newt Gingrich — In many ways, the ‘90s was a great decade. It gave us the Internet, budget surpluses, welfare
    Palin on Water
    reform, and The Rachel hairstyle. Some things, however, are better left in the 90s: — snip
  • Sarah Palin — I refuse to say anything negative about Sarah Palin, since every time I do, I spend the next six weeks digging out from vicious hate mail. What her fans lack in perspective [? you fkn a**hole!], they make up for with passion. So here’s hoping that someone, if not Palin, can find a way to harness that passion and change America for the better. — snip
  • Michele  Bachmann  — A rich man’s Sarah Palin. Odds:  18-1
  • Donald Trump — this morning, I spent much time looking at photos of birds’ nests, and would belatedly like to offer Mr. Trump a retraction. His hair does not resemble an abandoned nest.— snip
Blah Blah Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee, Tim Pawlenty, Mitch Daniels,Blah , —
and funally
  • Chris Christie – Too portly to be president. (Side note to readers: here, I am using tricky reverse psychology. After nearly a year of garnering glowing national press, Christie is so used to everybody fawning all over him, that the best way to make him run, is to pretend that you don’t want him to. And to abuse him. So stop chubby chasing, conservative pundits.) Odds of winning if he runs: 2-1. Odds of running: he said he’d rather commit suicide. Faced with the current crop of candidates, I can relate.
[Ful Fun]

Gun Control Explained

Gun Control Explained

Etymology of the word Boob

Etymology of the word Boob 
Etymology of the word 'Boob'

Tim W

Haven't we all been there ...

Just one more ...

The possible underlying tragedy aside, the funniest thing you'll see today. Or, a good object lesson.


Coming through the rye

If a body meet a body
coming through the rye
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.  The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The Virtues of Rye Bread
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said:"My goodness, 5 loaves...By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this s**t but me."

Tim W

Say Cheese Malloy

Mile Malloy: When Will Navy SEALs Take Out George W. Bush?
"So when does Seal Unit 6, or whatever it's called, drop in on George Bush? Bush was responsible for a lot more death, innocent death, than bin Laden. Wasn't he, or am I wrong here?," Liberal radio talk show host Mike Malloy said on his show Monday evening.

Deserving People

I must regrettably acknowledge a transition here.  They got me.  Malloy's public wish that President Bush (the last legitimate holder of that office) be killed, had no real effect on me.  His is, by now, part of accepted-by-the-left everyday patter. One too many bites from Howard Dean's Party of Hate zombies, like Malloy, Harry Reid, the MSNBC All-Stars, et. al., have produced in me an anti-hater hate. I'm for getting on with things.  But, that's just me.  Y'all should really keep trying to reach an accommodation with these filthy, lying, MFCCS.  I've given up. Click-click.