Soul Food

There's so much "news" about news anymore that everything is clogged like a toilet at a rest stop. So clogged with shit and toilet paper that it's spilled over, but you have to go #2 so bad that .... .  "Oh JFC!  I need a shower. Now!"  Like that.  Here's what we do.  Have currently saved 42 episodes of Blue Bloods, and can access 13 seasons of  Hercule Poirot on Netflix (David Suchet as Poirot).  The Agatha Christie series, about a fastidious Belgian detective, working out of London, harks back to a time (1920-1930) when the murderers he unmasks are dispatched on the gibbet.  It's delightful.  It's fun. I feel good afterward. Blue Bloods, set in NYC,  is about the Regan family.  Three generations of NYPD cops, two of whom were/are Police Commissioners, the rest (one cop son was killed by crooked cops) are detectives, beat cops, or (the daughter) a D.A.   Like Poirot, it's a morality play; meaning there exists morality. Since November, we watch 2 episodes a night (WGN in Chicago streams them, and every Friday CBS airs a new one. The scripts are fabulous.  No foul language, and you don't miss it.  The family get together once a week for dinner.  They say grace.  They talk.  They remind us that most people are good, and them what ain't get their comeuppances.  Usually. Amen.

Nice Toys Here Boss

Wretched excess, or the fruits of a free economy? These toys range from "OMG! I had that and my mother threw it away!"  to;  "Wow, that looks like a pretty sweet deal (the luxury kids car) to; "Just another way to launder my Clinton Foundation swag" You can find more at The Chive God bless us, every one!

So I met this woman ...

Epiphany

We had a power outage at our house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, ROKU, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my Phone battery was flat, and to top it off, it was raining outside, so I could not play golf. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours. She seems like a pretty nice person

The Internet Bibles

SAY AMEN

HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE. . . PLEASE DO NOT GOOGLE THIS ONE OR CHECK WITH SNOPES.  THEY WILL LIE TO YOU. TRUST ME!    In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg.  Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"  And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"  And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price.  The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."  Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.  Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.  It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People (HTTP).  And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.  They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.  Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.  He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."  "YAHOO," said Abraham.  And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE). That is how it all began. And that's the truth.  I wouldn't make up this stuff.  skoonj (Stolen From John Patrick's message board, at http://roncen.websitetoolbox.com/) And there's this from the Liberal reformation

GHOST BOY

Was in a dentist's office yesterday that was without wi-fi, so I scanned through my Kindle and came across Ghost Boy: The Miraculous Escape of a Misdiagnosed Boy Trapped Inside His Own Body.  I bought this last year at MoSup's request, and Amazon dumped a copy in my Kindle too.  Here are the first two pages.  I was (am) hooked.

HOOMPH

HOOMPH!  A hint of The Perry Bible Fellowship.  But just a hint.

Caped Crusaders

The Dynamic Duo ARE BACK! Da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da

Air in-Money out

s--t hits  fan Thirty-one years ago this month we bought a Lennox furnace and air conditioner.  In that time the A/C was serviced once (freon), and the furnace once (blower motor).  Thirty-one years.  Bound to happen, then. The A/C water pan rusted out and water was leaking all over.  At the same time, and while our water heater was showing no sign of malfunction (they don't), MoSup was afraid that after 20+  years it would, and wanted it replaced.  All at once.  Of course we went with Lennox again, and wouldn't you know, the Vivint Solar people picked that day to install the solar panel electric.  We had 5 Scardina and 2 Vivint trucks outside, and god knows how many worker men in the basement, bumping into one another.  Took 13 hours, but all we need now is the county solar 'lectic inspection sign-off, and then a BGE meter installed, and our electric is free. So to speak.  On top of that, we are assured that the new HVAC system will cut our electricity bill in half, and it's good thing since this stuff has all doubled in price (water heater tripled) since last installed.  What I like is the Lennox wi-fi thermostat control panel.  It allows me to—you name it;  like watch daily power consumption, and the ability to set all the heat/cool parameters on the computer instead of hunching over a control screen trying to get fat fingers hitting the right numbers.  And best of all- we will never have to buy another system.  Oh, wait.  Oh my.  First time I actually thought in those terms.  Yay! We win.

THE Manhattan Battleship Project

The USS RECRUIT

"The equipment is that of the up-to-the-minute dreadnought with accommodations on board for day and night life of officers and men." -POPULAR SCIENCE, AUG. 1917 Did the Indians used this battle ship to defeat Custer at Little Big? Horn! As a recruiting tool the ship was very successful, helping to recruit 25,000 men into the U.S. Navy. The First World War ended in 1918, and by 1920 the Recruit was no longer needed in Union Square. It was properly decommissioned and dismantled, with the intention of relocating it to Coney Island's Luna Park. This did not happen and the fate of the Recruit is unknown.* *If you check the roll-over, it appears that—like with Iran today—the government gave it to the Sioux Nation who used it to win at the Little Bog Horn?!? I am astounded and gob-smacked that—in this time where cable televison's 758 channels devote 24/7 to history and the miltary!—that I have lived approx. 97 years without having had so much as an inkle about this Union Square battleship.  Full props to Ron Metzgercan Hat Dance for finding it for us.  He wrote: It's news to me, too. The reason is most of my NYC stays are at a hotel a block from Union Square. Many of the buildings in these 95+-year-old photos are still there. And, in one of the 'battleship' photos, a statue of Lafayette is in the foreground. It's still there, too. PS The appearance of this 'battleship' is much like the original appearance of USS Arizona, built at Brooklyn Navy Yard and launched in 1915 And horry clap; look!  The Navy was the pioneer Gays in the Military service!  Who knew?  Many more pics here.

Chipotles Pigs and Football

THERE'S A CHIPOTLE TWO BLOCKS FROM THE STADIUM! (U. Cincinnati) Yup, they photoshopped Ben Skowronek, a 3-star wide receiver from Fort eryone likes Chipotle, but young people like it even more than they like neon tank tops and cell phone apps that only do one thing each. Every other restaurant wants to be like Chipotle because of this. Chipotle has set up shop near just about every college campus because campuses have lots of young people, in my opinion. Colleges can brag about this because colleges are also in the business of marketing to young people. And nobody's more in the business of marketing to young people than college football teams are. How long will it be until a college football team tries to woo a recruit based on how near its campus is to a Chipotle? Yeah, that's already happened. Since Chipotle proximity is now a competitive factor for football programs (shhhh, of course it is), it's time to rank all of FBS, based on Chipotle.com's listings and Google Maps. All 128 teams and the in-limbo UAB are included, and you can type your conference's name to narrow the list. We have a Chipotle nearby; it's where we go most when we want fast food that's not pizza.  Last week we stopped in for some taco salad.  A sign on the front door warned "SORRY, NO CARNITAS."  I always just ask for pork, so I sort of assumed carnita was Messican for excluding people not wearing a shirt. Once inside another sign cleared that up. No Carnitas "We are presently unable to find a source for responsibly raised pork." * responsibly raised pork?* All the images flashing through your mind right now about piglets in diapers? .. I see them.  And the  three legged pig joke too.  And, somewhere,  there are—have to be—responsibly pampered avocados being raised; how else explain Chipotle's $2.50 charge for a dollop of guacamole on your carnita?

The Right Stuff

BLUE BLOODS MOMENT Tom Selleck stars as Frank Reagan, the chief of police in New York and patriarch of the Reagan clan, a multigenerational family of cops. Frank's oldest son is Danny, a seasoned detective and Iraqi War veteran who occasionally uses dubious tactics to solve cases. Daughter Erin, the lone female, is an assistant district attorney. Fresh out of Harvard Law, Jamie is the youngest member and "golden boy" of the family. Jamie gave up a lucrative future in law to continue the family's tradition in police work, and is asked to participate in a secretive investigation that even his father does not know about. I've mentioned that Blue Bloods has become our all time favorite dinner series, primarily because we always feel good at the end.  Here's a clip from  the episode (Loss of Faith) we watched last night (Netflix) that's representative.  In this instance a nice Catholic girl dies because she retrograded to Islam.  The obvious suspect is the the hateful, radical brother of the  Muslim  kid she fell for (an honor killing).  Not. Her father accidentally strangled her whilst trying to stop her from leaving home. Every show ends at the family dinner table, and here's a situation where we might expect a wholesale Hollywood rant about homophobic, Islamo hating right-wing fanatic mo-fkrs.  But no; there is room to recognize cultural differences (and subtle disapprobation for certain parties, ahem),  but a need to accommodate where we can.  With humor.

STONED

VODKA MAGIC

Vodka.  Is There Anything it Can't Do? You're counting to 19. Here's a select 5+1 I imagine other whiskey can do the same, but not without the tip-off stank.

How much for both of us?

I Have Two Vaginas!  (no, not her  ) Nothing surprises me anymore, but I do wonder about the "How I found found out" part. I mean ... WTF?  I did not watch to the exciting conclusion, but I do have a friend who wants to meet her.

ennui vs. overload

SOME TEXT

My meager posting of late has little to do with the ennui that once caused me to, every few years,  publicly announce that I quit blogging, only then to return.  Now I'm plagued with so many things I want to say that I don't know where to start, so instead I watch movies, go read stuff, or indulge in whatever else seems easy at the time.  Just thinking out loud here boss.  As one is wont to do while drinking ale at 10:00 in the morning.

Increase your vocabulary

25 Brilliant New Words sample

Bedgasm Beerboarding DUDEVORCE Nerdjacking HYBERDATING Internest nonversation CHAIRDROBE Destinesia Unkeyboardinated CELLFISH Errorist Doppelbanger TEXPECTATION Askhole Columbusing AFTERCLAP Chiptease Youniverse CARCOLEPSY Masturdating Unlightening JUGGERSNOT Ambitchous Eglaf Brilliant indeed. Peruse the list and see how many of the 19 not shown you had a proper inkling of. I just now did and discovered that I was verging on inventing every one of them, STG. Here's the rest.

SELFIES

New York Selfies

Was in NY this past week and these selfie sticks were everywhere even to the point of the table next to me at dinner launching one over my head to take their own picture. Drugs stores had large displays of the dumb things. People walking through Central Park shooting their own video of them walking. Hillary might win - Tommy Lee "Burp Gun" Smith There are two reason why we know these are all tourists.  Can you name them?  Answers in invisible ink below (Right click drag) 1 2 None of the women are wearing black New York women would think outdoor selfies are gauche

What a sorry joint

From yesterday; was just about this time that I realized that when Dr. Finney sent me for consultation re: my joint problem .. .  You know. Really. I am not making this up.

Time Bomb

THE TIME BOMB Jenny was flat clobbered. Gary was cheating on her. How had she missed it?  Even as their sex had been flat lining, her condom purchases for Gary (he would never use them is she didn't) had, if anything, been increasing.  She was acutely aware of that fact because of the embarrassment she still felt at the Safeway checkout when the Trojan Bareskins were scanned.  Her first instinct was to confront him and send him packing, but that would only serve to facilitate his plan to break off their relationship; he was such a coward about relationships.  No, she wanted him to hurt.  And she wanted that bitch he was screwing, Brenda, to suffer like she was suffering.  As it happened, it was to be so easy.  DNA. She got the idea while following the O.J. Simpson trial.  An article in Time speculated that DNA databases were being established by law enforcement, and one day everybody's would, like fingerprints, be computerized, indexed, and available.  She stayed with Gary for another few weeks, silent, and even enjoying their occasional "pokes," as Gary called them.  Afterwards she secreted the condom away in the freezer.  Jenny found a degree of satisfaction, even humor in his concocted excuses for getting home late, or for his sudden out of town sales seminars (semen-ars, she thought).   There were 5 condoms left in the 12 pack.  When they were used, she left him.  Jen wept when she told Gary she was breaking up with him; a nice touch that, and not without her feeling some genuine emotion.  She told him she knew he wasn't gong to marry her anytime soon, adding that "her clock was ticking."  Gary was shocked of course, but did nothing really to dissuade her.  Was there someone else, he had  asked?  She assured him there was not. He seemed relieved, probably because he hadn't been cuckolded. So now she drank her coffee and scanned the newspaper, actually surprised that the time had crept up on her.  Wow, it doesn't seem like 20 years she thought, a scant smile forming on her lips. I'm seeing way too many crime stories.  This just popped into my head during Black List last night,  which by the way is the new best television series ever!

Hoosier Daddy?

TEXT

Woman Raised by Lesbian Couple: 'I Ached Every Day For a Dad' Da Meztgarino writes: Anyone who grew up missing a father because of WWII or death or imprisonment or just going down to the corner for a pack of smokes and never coming back is aware of this to some degree.  I was fortunate to have a very experienced grandfather.  He didn't play catch or help me build things, but he was a great and reliable source of wisdom. My mother married an affable drunk (as opposed to an alcoholic) who DID take me hunting, and fishing, and all that stuff.  He couldn't fix things, but he could find guys who could, and I watched 'em do it. Still . . . there's that persistent feeling of being different, minimalized, the odd duck . . . especially if you're an only kid who has nobody with whom to commiserate. cnsnews.com/blog/michael-w-chapman/woman-raised-lesbian-couple-i-ached-every-day-dad Heather Barwick, who was raised by her mother and her mother's lesbian partner, wrote in an essay this week that same-sex "marriage" is not the same as normal marriage between a man and a woman, that the traditional family is best, and that while growing up she "ached every day for a dad." Barwick, who is 31 now, married, and has four children, said that "same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn't matter. That it's all the same. But it's not." "A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting," wrote Barwick in her essay for The Federalist website. "My father's absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom's partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost." "I grew up surrounded by women who said they didn’t need or want a man," said Barwick. "Yet, as a little girl, I so desperately wanted a daddy. It is a strange and confusing thing to walk around with this deep-down unquenchable ache for a father, for a man, in a community that says that men are unnecessary." [Full TEXT] Me and sister were lucky; mom married a wonderful man after dad was KIA.  I'm sure there are a hundred stories out there about gay parenting "success."  All I will say is, if I was adopted by lesbian parents—and Heather Barwick was also adopted by them too—and she was, say, a year younger than me—....  Well,  I think we would learn together about the joys of the hetero condition.  When Mom and Doris were out bowling.