Stuff I discovered

It's Scientific  Gary Larsen     AEROMONES

Human pheromones cause sexual attraction in women or men.  So powerful are these chemicals that a "perfect ten" high school cheerleader may find herself attracted to the total nerd she sits next to in chemistry class.  Usually the attraction is undone by the even stronger peer review force  (her girlfriends going "EEEEWWW!".)  I think  we've all  felt mysteriously drawn to someone at some gathering; or on, say, an elevator—oui?  Pheromone chemical at work. I believe there's an adjunct condition I call "aeromones©."  Yes, internet posted, or televised pictures, words, or even ideology, can trigger aeromonal sexual response to someone that may very well flunk pheromones. Here's an example. At first I see a gangly, Ichabod Cranish woman.  But then .... .  Hmmm.  Aeromones. And evidently Madison Ave. are subject to aeromonals; witness The Booking.com Teacher. Booking.com "Teacher" from Pete Johnson on Vimeo. But, wait.  This is a another example.  Gushing aeromonal !

Call Me GOOROO

Research Guru saw Trump phenomenon coming before anyone else Q&A with Anne Sorock of The Frontier Lab AHEM Saturday, August 22, 2015 So far I've pretty much ignored the 2015 Whack-a-Mole campaign season.  Try as I might, I just cannot concoct a believable scenario where Jimmy Stewart is elected president after Air Force General James Mattoon Scott ousts the Manchurian candiate president, and throws the lot down a volcano.  Only Donald Trump makes noise that interests me, and because he's thus scared the crap out of entrenched Republicans there seems to be a chance of removing some of the party's colon cancer (Boehner Blastoma). To wit:   6/14/2016 Since I see a parallel between Trump-Clinton? & 1980's Reagan Carter contest—both being  the worst president in history at the time—Carter is now 3rd—I've included the polling history above.  In that race Reagan (32%) trailed Jummy (39%) in early June/July.  By early August Reagan was up  45% - 29%.  That lead that dropped to 47% - 44% on election day.  But, Reagan won 51% - 41%,  winning all but four states (including Maryland), and DC.  The term "silent majority' was born, and has driven Democrats nuts ever since (leading to  the Left's war against the "Christian coalition."  Anyway, bookmark this so you can give me the raspberries after the election, or marvel at my political prescience.

5 minute butter

FOOD

5 minute butter A few weeks ago I discussed "MAKE BUTTER; SAVE $."  Yesterday was time to restock.  I poured a quart of heavy cream into my Cuisinart and pressed go.  While the machine was whirring away me and Mosup watched the bird activity on our various feeders.  A glance at the machine 5 minutes later showed nothing was moving, so I stopped it and voila!  Done.  However, when I plopped it all into a bowl it hit me. Where's the butter milk?  I dipped a pinky into the cream—tasted like very sweet butter, so what the hell.  I filled two storage containers and put them in the Fridge.  But wait!  Why wasn't there any butter milk?  Horry Clap! Did I just make whip cream?  To test it, I made a grilled cheese sammich using the new butter on the rye bread.  Worked fine.  Still, I went back to my original post and this popped out: " .... and in about 18-20 minutes I had a big ball of butter. "  I was done in 5 minutes, so yes, I did make whipped cream (minus the sugar). This morning I buttered MoSup's bagel with it and she said it tasted properly delicious. I think the difference in this 5 minute butter is that it's unsuitable for baking; won't help in rising.  Don't care.  We'll use this butter for slather, and store bought for baking.  There is also the posibilty that this quick butter will just melt in a few days, and I'll have to try and salvage it with another go in the Cuisenart. But here's a disconcerting reality.  While there are just 51 calories in a TBS of heavy cream, there are prolly (if I made them) 4 TBS (+ sugar) heaped atop these cupcakes. And nobody would give it a mind. But what if I gave you this dessert with almost a half-stick of raw butter on top? Same thing. Would I think twice?  You bet. Being a food scientist has ups and downs; joys and disappointments.  Your welcome.

I Had a Dream

USEFULL HOBBIES      The Schultz AUTO Auto Printer Bently GT $2100 Manufacturing time: 3:24:17 Super High Speed Printer- Top Secret In the middle of writng chapter one of my autobiography, I had a dream.  'Nuff said. PS.  I will need 7 Mil to startup, and will  take just one investor/partner.  Wire Schultz, Below Cash Only

Time Management

Recorded the Super Bowl.  About 10:30 I started watching.  Took 35 minutes, and I didn't miss a play.  Life is good.

The uniqueness of me

"Feldspar is to a torqe wrench as Larkspur is to cottage cheese" Me Just once, I wanted to offer something that nobody else in recorded history had ever said.  I think I nailed it.

CASE CLOSED

MURDER BOOK BINGO I watch a fair number shows of  the "Unsolved Murder" genre, mostly on ID DISCOVERY.   Where some newby detective is handed boxes of crime scene evidence from a 20 year-old unsolved homicide, and  tasked with solving it.  The crimes are invariably solved when the detective realizes that this stuff was collected before DNA was invented, but now it has, so he sends it for analysis.  The perp, now living in Florida with his wife and 6 children, is arrested.  Which begs the question: Why doesn't every police department in the USofA go through old case files and, just for the hell of it,  send blood, semen, spit samples to the crime lab?  Like, right now? Duh. Thank you.  I await my Nobel Prize.

Air Disasters Be GONE!

Techno Thrills

SAVING LIVES HERE BOSS I'm currently watching Smithsonian Channel's Air Disasters, and I have an invention idea©! I'll guess that well over 50% of the episodes I've watched involved problems where the pilots knew something was wrong, but had no way of knowing that the flaps, or even the entire tail section had gone missing.  They knew there was an electrical problem, but had no way of looking at the fuse box in the cellar. So, WTF! I'm thinking, why in heaven haven't Boeing, or Air Bus, outfitted their  planes with selfie cams that will monitor any part of the plane inside and out? Yes, many of the disasters involved planes manufactured before this age of the micro-cam, but I was using multi-VHS, remote controlled video cams in the 1980's to tape weddings.  There is no excuse.  I suspect after this post goes viral, airline  manufacturers will be all into Insta-Camming, but you now what?  Good.  If this will help save lives I am not going to profit from it, so I hereby release this invention for the common good.  (I am not making this up). You're welcome.  By the by, the screen cap above is from "Fight For Your Life," where a deranged flight engineer tries to take over a FED EX plane.  This episode is super sphincter gripping; trust me.

Marie's Blue

FOOD STUFF I INVENTED

Here's stuff I've slathered with Marie's Blue Cheese.  Someone said it's good on salad too! Nobody's ever  thought of this before. You're welcome.

Engineered Chicken Skin

FOOD

Engineered Chicken Skin! Louisiana Fish Fry is terrific stuff.  If you'll remember, my sou vide project led me to discover an old electric fry pan, unused and forgotten after 20 years.  So when I saw those seafood seasonings I tried some on fish. Fried 'em in that skillet.  Absolute amazing taste.  Splatter free; almost no clean-up; controlled oil temperature.   Yesterday, the family requested BBQ chicken for dinner, so while they frolicked in the sun I thawed some Purdue skinless thighs.  The outdoor grill is broken, so I was going to oven bake; brush on the Sweet Baby Rays; then broil to a fine turn.  But wait! We loved the fish because the crust is exquisite; and because of the even heat every piece is the same.  That's when the magic happened. What if I did the skinless thighs the same way?  So I did. And I was right!  This chicken is good.  The crispy finish emulates fried chicken skin crunch, which is maybe the most delicious thing in the universe after bacon.  It was so good that, before I brushed them with sauce, as per plan, I tested one piece in the oven.  The sauce goo'ed up, and the result was nowhere near as good.  I offered it as a dipping sauce, but nobody bothered.  It was oohs-and ahs from the get-go. Afterwards, they hoisted me on shoulders, and paraded me around the yard before tossing me in a blanket.  That's how I'll  remember it.  Best invention ever.  You're welcome.

Onions

Secret Bachelor Trick

Obama hates this idea!

Mad Men You Know!

Gee Mom! It's UPSY DOODLE! She meant Upsy Doodle Okay, this invention is self explanatory because ALL OF YOU have experienced the problem of getting the last gooey stuff out of jars.  Not only that, some foods like natural peanut butter have oil that rises to the top.  Right?  And no matter how much you stir it you end up eating all the oil before even half the  peanut butter is gone and the rest is dry as a 5 day old dog turd.  Am I right?  Well this idea, like penicillin, is so simple that it's a wonder nobody has discovered it until now.  Am I right?  With a lid at both ends you can just oopsy doodle©™ it for easy access, or maintain proper balance of oils and emollients, and save hundreds of dollars a year in the process!   I'm hoping all of you will help me create a buzz at GMA (Grocery Mfrs of Amer) meetings by asking store managers why they don't have stuff in the Upsy-Doodle©™ Jars?   Thank you.

Tortilla Pizza 2

Use Your Cast Iron Pan and a Tortilla to Make World Class Bar-Style Pizza in Under 12 Minutes Cuzzin' ricky harshes my mellow by showing that I did not in fact invent the tortilla pizza  which forces me to return all the Pay Pal "thank you" donations I received.  Thankkkkkkkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuu cuzzin ricky.

Clean that pot, Cheap!

STUFF I INVENTED                  so you don't have to

At the risk of outraging the baristas out there; I do not clean my coffee pot after every use.  In fact, since Feb 9, 2013; never.  The opening is so small that I can't get my hand in there, so, alas; my Walmart coffee quality suffers more with each pot brewed.  I looked on-line for pot cleaners, and what the hell; $36?? Last night it came to me.  Efferdent denture cleaner.  What you see here is the result after three applications and believe me, that sumbitch was BLACK!.  You're welcome. Mr. Coffee Coffeemaker Cleaner for All Automatic Drip Coffeemakers, 2-Ounce Box (Pack of 9) by Mr. Coffee $39.49 $35.91 ($1.99/packet)  Only 9 left in stock - order soon. $34.11 ($1.90/packet) Subscribe & Save Save more with monthly Subscribe & Save deliveries. More Buying Choices

Squishing Food Ad Hoc

FOOD TIP

Pressing Needs Hunts Sauce - is there anything it can't do? Rollover   The rollover pretty much explains it.  Yes, I have a panini machine, but I often want to press something ad hoc, without the fuss.  This gallon can of Hunt's Sauce serves me well.  You're welcome.

Garlic

I can chop a chiffonade rather handily, and I can flip stuff in a skillet; but mincing garlic?  Television chefs throw a little salt on a butcher's block, spank a clove once with the back of the knife, and with a half dozen wrist actions grind that boy into a nice mince.  But when I do it the clove is likely to squirt out and fly off the block, and after several chops it still hasn't been reduced to something that can be ground in the salt.  I know what you're saying. Garlic Press. No.  I've tried several garlic presses and they all blow. Just recently America's Test Kitchen  compared garlic presses and the best  cost c. $30. Get real.   On Friday I was making roasted Brussels sprouts.  When it came to the garlic mincing I picked up my microplane and HFS!  Perfect.  Why did it take me so long to figure out something so obviously simple?  In case you haven't, now you know.  You're welcome. Wait. Now I've got to try this one in case I want to show off.  But the micro plane is still faster, and better.

SOS! SOS! SOS!

A fistful of chipped beef with pepper gravy and 2 eggs with probable healthy consequences? Need I say more? Need I say more? No, but I will anyway.  The reason this is such a breakthrough is it represents the best way I've found to feel utterly satiated at a cost of just 469 calories, and with that nutrient stat line.  You're welcome.

Cut!

Applause Meter                                  There's no better way to prep slice (anything, really) for dehydration than with a mandolin.  Most things do best sliced at ¼ inch.  Even thickness means tasty, evenly dried product . This is the  Best Mandolin in the world, pound for dollar. Only problem—it's so sharp that I don't feel anything when it cuts a thumb off; only blood in the taters clues me.  That's why I bought these gloves (for about $13).  They are, I believe, made from depleted uranium and aerogel.  The only cuts I've incurred since buying them are when I don't put them on (the cut rate then is 87%).  One of the reasons I didn't always (I damned sure do now) use them was they'd get soaked with juices.  Later I discovered that all I had to do was wash my hands (with them on), and let them dry.  But, and this is what this post is about—this is genius.  Look at the picture.  Disposable glove barrier.  I invented that.  You're welcome.

Bacon Tips

FOOD                                      The Real King of France Adversus hanc declarationem defensor  bacon  Barn Army Test Kitchen

Diesel Invention

EMP An electromagnetic bomb, or e-bomb, is a weapon designed to take advantage of this dependency. But instead of simply cutting off power in an area, an e-bomb would actually destroy most machines that use electricity. Generators would be useless, cars wouldn't run, and there would be no chance of making a phone call. In a matter of seconds, a big enough e-bomb could thrust an entire city back 200 years or cripple a military unit. For no reason I thought of this yesterday.  A residual effect of a nuclear blast, and certainly for a purpose built e-bomb, is rendering everything electric useless.  But, what if you had a diesel car-with an old-style hand crank starter?  Once started, no electricity required to drive your Mercedes.  No radio, headlamps, or turn signal of course, but you'd own the streets.  What am I missing? PS - you'll need a hand crank fuel siphon to get diesel fuel out of abandoned tanks.