On October 16, 2003
Annoyed One, Liz*,
and I convoked to establish the National Pissatorium. I
asked pledges of support (payable to my Amazon Trust Account,
since closed by the SEC) and collected $373,000 to kick things
off.
Originally three vats were built to hold urine in trust for Ted
Kennedy, and the Clintons; Bill and Hillary. Those early days
were something else, believe me. Specimina were sent to my office
(basement). They arrived in jelly jars, canning jars,
cruets, plastic prescription bottles (that leaked and often arrived
empty), sandwich bags. One came in a one gallon Jerry Lewis Kids donation jar that also held $31,72 in change. My kids
helped me open and transfer the urine into temporary holding tanks (our
refrigerator crisper drawers - boy was MoSup annoyed). That first week
the ledger shows we received -
Ted
Kennedy Memorial Piss
|
Bill
Clinton Memorial Piss |
Hillary
Memorial Piss |
Other
* |
4 gallons, 7 ounces.
|
1 gallon 15 ounces
|
9 gallons 2¾ Ounces
|
About two tbsp
|
In quick order we added vats for
Jummy, Schumer and Kerry, all wildly successful. In
2005 I sold the National Pissatorium to JENO'S Pizza, but
the check bounced. By now we had several hundred thousand gallons
of urine stored in over 62 vats. Desperate to get them out of my yard,
and comply with the court order, I struck a deal with Exxon to
lease refinery tanks they weren't using. Hard to believe
that in all this time the only "closer" has been Ted Kennedy (172,000
gallons).
Above, our most recent
transaction. Strapped for cash, we agreed to sell 3,000
gallons of John Kerry Memorial Piss to a syndicate of French
chefs. They made a giant batch (picture above) of Le sénateur Kerry Jonn
urine Soupe aux truffes noires et poireaux to celebrate the ban on
wearing Islamic veils. They love the war hero in France, and thought they were buying his urine, not from donors who want it dumped over him, Suckers! Don't
worry, we have thousands of gallons left for Kerry's "big day.".
|
Miss Pissatorium 2007
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