This must be Detroit ....

What happens when you shut conservatives out of your governing body?  What will happen if the city of Detroit loses another 25 percent of their population? The City Council will change the city's nickname from Motown to left town. Now that the governor has  filed for chapter 9 bankruptcy for Detroit, he's working on a plan B. Unfortunately the "B" stands for bake sale. What's  the difference between a person from Detroit in a baby? A  baby will stop whining after a while. What's  the only thing that grows in Detroit? The crime rate. How do you know that the Detroit's finances are a complete mess? al Qaeda is trying to find a way to take credit for it. Why did the Detroiter think he saw a ghost on Halloween?  He saw a kid dressed up as a pension plan. What are McDonald's employees now asking customers in Detroit?  "Can you afford fries with that?" What is Trump's solution to Detroit's financial crisis?   Waterboarding  the City Council. How bad is the economy in Detroit?  A Motor City casino was turned into an Indian reservation. What do you call a couple hits from the crack pipe in Detroit? Lunchtime. How do you answer the door in Detroit? With the shotgun. What do you call an arsonist in Detroit? An "urban renewal specialist." What do you call a person with the job in Detroit? White. What's the difference between the mayor of Detroit in a prostitute?  The prostitute gives value for the money she takes. How do people in Detroit vote?  Early and often. How do you castrate a person from Detroit? Kick his sister in the mouth. What's the difference between a person from Detroit in a car?  One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other is a fish. What do people from Detroit and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up. How do you know you are in Detroit?  You pull up to a red light and roll up your windows. Did you hear about the power outage in the Detroit library?  Thirty  people were stuck on the escalator for three hours. What does the average student from Detroit get on his SAT?  Drool. How do you promote  safe-sex in Detroit?  Place  signs on the animals that kick. Why do Detroit retailers  sell so many button fly jeans in Detroit? Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away. What is the definition other Detroit virgin? An ugly 12-year-old who can outrun her brothers. What do tornadoes and people from Detroit have in common? They both end up in trailer parks. What happens when you shut conservatives out of your governing body?  Detroit. What's the first thing a Detroit girl does when she wakes up in the mornong? She  walks home. Why don't girls play hide-and-seek in Detroit? No one would look for them. What's the advantage of being married to a person from Detroit?  You  can park in handicapped zones. How do you know that Michael Jackson is not dead? He's still registered to vote in Detroit. Why is Detroit trying to keep their new stadium a secret from  the public? They're afraid the Tigers will find out where it is and try to play there.

Three humerous turds

Blame Tom Mann For These                                   I know

Turn & Churn, et al

Earwax Candle Kit & More These are great.  $5 a shot, but look at it this way. Put any crap gift you want into this empty box and your,   say turd in-law, will be talking about it for a month.  However, if you're looking to really make a statement— probably anonymously — try these guys. I posted on them a dozen years ago, and by gar they're still going strong.  You're Welcome. I know

Driving Miss Crazy

TIPS FOR SAFE WINTER MOTORING

Colored Crap

Mad Men Run Amok https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOSkYwFCaUA Christopher Bowels :D

Dear Fix-a-Flat ...

I'm so flatted ... Unplugged So, I have a CT Scan to get too and, whoa!  A very slow tire leak hath possessed my left rear tire.  But no worry, I had fortuitously just purchased a can of fix a flat (Tire sensor safe!).   Screwed the nipple on (mmmmmm, nipple) and pressed the trigger.  KABLOWWY!  The thing blew up in my face.  Opening my right eye just enough to navigate, I made it into the kitchen and sprayed my face. I wasn't blind, so there's that.  Back outside I turned on the compressor and pumped the tire up to 32 lbs, and took off.   It was a slow leak after all.  On the off ramp to the hospital I feel the wheels go squishy, and—yup—the sound of flat tire.  With a line of cars behind me, and the parking garage just a football field away, I went for it.  KA-SLAPPETA KA-SLAPPETA KA-SLAPPETA.  I parked right in front of the elevator in a do not park space, and made it with a minute to spare.  Shredded. Did I say I don't have a cell phone?  Don't want one. I did have my I pad, so I took a pic of my location and posted it on MoSup's Facebook page (I don't do Facebook myself). A minute later I looked to see if it posted, and my daughter had already commented "Jimi (my S-I-L) on the way!"  To finish in as few words as possible... When I got to the car Jimi had replaced the tire with the donut tire.  But it was flat.  We drove to a tire store with the rim and bought a new tire for $122.00.  Went back in time to face the beach traffic.  Got home.  Did I say MoSup had warned me to get the leak fixed?  She did not say a word.  She is a saint. PS- If the fix a flat  people see this, I was blinded by their product and the operation will cost $5 million.  PPS - Within 5 minutes of that FB post I received (on my iPad) a copy of his AAA card from one son, and a "what can I do" note from another.  It's good to be a father. PPPS - God Bless You Jimi HAHA CRAP

Not Mush room

This is so bad ...

BEANS

Tommy Gun Mann

Balzzz

Ahem CRAP

But will "wets" taste like chocolate?

Frog Invents Pill That Makes Farts Smell Like Chocolate France has given the world fragrant perfume and very stinky cheeses, but the country's latest and greatest olfactory contribution may be a pill that makes farts smell like chocolate. The sweet-smelling product is the creation of Christian Poincheval, a 65-year-old inventor who hails from the village of Gesvres and looks like Santa Claus' younger hippie brother. Poincheval sells the pills online at pilulepet.com for around $12.50 for 60 capsules (Wrong, 19,90 € = approx 24.74 USD)  The web page promises the chocolate pills will "allow the user to fart through to the New Year in grand style." The chocolate pills are a new addition to Poincheval's odorific arsenal, which also includes pills that make farts smell like roses or violets, and fart-reducing powder for pets. As with most new creations, necessity was the mother of this invention. He was eating dinner with friends in 2006 when he realized the group had caused a gas attack at the restaurant. "Our farts were so smelly after the copious meal, we nearly suffocated," he told the Telegraph. "The people at the table next to us were not happy. Something had to be done." It was the start of a long period of stinky researching, during which Poincheval made some interesting discoveries. "When we were vegetarian we noticed that our gas smelt like vegetables, like the odor from a cow pat, but when we started eating meat, the smell of the flatulence became much disagreeable," he said, according to TheLocal.Fr. "We needed to invent something that made them smell nicer" Poincheval claims his pills not only create chocolate-scented farts, they reduce intestinal gas and bloating thanks to ingredients like vegetable coal, fennel, seaweed, plant resin, bilberry, and cacao zest. Since people tend to stuff their bellies during the holidays, Poincheval figures his chocolate fart pills should be stuffed in stockings. "Some buy them because they have problems with flatulence and some buy them as a joke to send to their friends. Christmas always sees a surge in sales," he said, according to IBTimes.co.uk. HuffPo Was gonna order some as stocking stuffers, but only sold in France, and won't ship until 2015.  And, as noted, the price is double the $12 stated in HuffPo.  Still, Valentines day ... ? CRAP

I have a little bit of the dickens in me tonight

Mad Men Time Warp

Quacks

QUACK QUACK While I was preparing to bring Duck Duck to y'all's attention (because it advertises itself as "The search engine that doesn't track you," I thought what the hell, let's see how good it is at searching.  In the eleven years or so that I've used Blogger, I've posted exactly 32,047 times on Curmudgeonly & Skeptical.    It would be fair to say that at least 20,000 of them used my on-again-off-again blog description "If you're trying to change minds and influence people it's probably not a good idea to say that virtually all elected Democrats are liars, but what the hell."  I coined it, and it's been accessed well over 6 million times. I posted the results in the scroll box below. The quack answer is that C&S received no credits.  Not one.  Not just from Duck Duck, but from no search engine.  Duck- Duck, and all but Google and Dogpile, did mention C&S posts I made during the few years I posted using my own Terpsboy.com server.  But, nothing from Google (which owns Blogger for chrissake!). In those 32,047 posts, it would be fair to say that, at a minimum, 32,047 pictures were published.  I'll posit that about 90% were original, or value added.  It has not been lost on me that, given the number of times I use Google image search a day, I've never seen any of my stuff.  I do run across some Terpsboy pictures, some even attributed; but no Bloggers.   I am not, by the way, making any claims to greatness, far from it.  I am suggesting that Google uses it's muscle discriminately.  One of the first things that happened after Google purchased Blogger was that C&S was shut down.  The excuse was I was accused of something or other.  I had been under attack from lefty blogs who made it a habit to accuse people they disagreed with of being liars, inciting to riot and too stupid to be allowed to use machinery.  It wasn't until Linda SoG made it something of a personal crusade that I was allowed back.  On the bright side, perhaps my guardian angel has engineered this "shield of anonymity" as a way to protect me from Obama hit men.  RELATED Exclusive: How Google’s Algorithm Rules the Web CRAP

Remember the Golden Hind?

Golden Poop CRAP

Getting touched in bad places

CRAP Won't be able to do much stuff for awhile.  First thing Monday morning I'll be under the knife.  One-eye monster surgery.  No exercise or lifting for more than a week. I have to tell you that I am already nervous as hell, because I don't let anybody touch it ever; it's a phobia.  MoSup has been putting pre-op drops (of three meds)  into my eye, 4 td, for three days now.  She needs a crowbar to keep my eye open, so how the hell am I going to react when having to stare at a light on the ceiling while they cut the lens out of my eye?  The answer is they clamp it open.  That's like being in a state of paralysis while the medical examiner saws open your skull.   Worst thing I've ever had to do, but I can't even see the target at 25 yards anymore.  My left eye isn't as bad, but gets worse by the month, so that one gets done next month.  If you've been through cataract surgery, you know that you basically have 2 choices of replacement lenses.  The $1000 lens comes in either far-sighted or near-sighted.  The $3000 lens supposedly focuses much like natural vision, so you don't need glasses at all.  Insurance pays for option A, the other comes out of my pocket,  so I've chosen to be near-sighted since most of my time is spent reading or the computer.  I'll wear glasses for driving.  Pray for me. That I don't cry like a baby tomorrow,  and have to be restrained.

More crap to come, boss

2014 I Wish You All a Happy and Prosperous New Year but remember; the grass is always greener but rarely and truly blonde CRAP