Tough Hole

What U See

But no sand trap! What I See (roll-over)

CUTE, And Not

More Self Indulgence well, more than usual tora, etc., etc. ROLLOVER

TooT

One morning three South Georgia good old boys and three Yankees were in a ticket line at the Atlanta train station heading to Athens, GA for a big football game. The three Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the three Southerners bought just one ticket among them. "How are the three of you going to travel on one ticket?" asked one of the Yankees. "Watch and learn," answered one of the boys from the South. When the six travelers boarded the train, the three Yankees sat down, but the three Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "tickets please." The door opened just a crack, and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money. That evening after the game, when they got to the train station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip, while to their astonishment the three Southerners didn't buy even one ticket. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?"asked one of the perplexed Yankees. "Watch and learn, answered one of the Southern boys. When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into a bathroom, and the three Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it. Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankees' bathroom. He knocked on the door and said, "ticket please." There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the South lost the Civil War. Wally "Cleaver" Ruzekio

The Warship Gabby Giffords WTF

“ Yoo Hoo! Ahoy There! Homer Simpson–  “Hey, do we get to land on an aircraft carrier?” Helicopter Pilot– “No, sir.  The closest vessel is the U.S.S. Walter Mondale; it’s a laundry ship.  They’ll take you the rest of the way.” In a daring daytime operation, apparent domestic terrorists have lured US Navy Capt. Joseph Tuite, Supervisor of Shipbuilding (SUPSHIP) Gulf Coast into a local Denny's where they are holding him hostage with unlimited coffee refills and complimentary Moons over My Hammy.  Captain Tuite is a mission critical asset to the official keel laying ceremony for the USS Gabrielle Giffords.  Reacting swiftly, the Obama administration awarded the now POW Captain Tuite with the Silver Star and announced that Vice President Biden is ready to negotiate for the Captain's release.  [satire by Rational Gun] I breakfast here on the quarterdeck of the USS Gob Smacked, and wonder at the silliness of naming a warship after a anti-military Democrat congressperson, to honor her for being wounded  by a kindred spirited " left wing political radical" gunman, Jared Loughner.   Where are Monty Python when you need them?   Scent via Tam ”

Superhero Tricks

Oh My

So Keats and Byron die ...

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Heavenly Rhyme-Off  Poets Keats and Lord Byron died and Saint Peter said that, sadly, he had but one room for  poets in heaven.  To determine which one, Saint Peter asked them to write a poem in sixty-seconds using the word Timbuktu. Keats wrote: As I was walking on the shore listening to the ocean roar A sailing ship came into view Destination—Timbuktu. Lord Byron wrote As Tim and I astrolling went, We spied three maidens in a tent. Since they were three and we were two, I bukt one and Tim bukt two. Harvey Martini, most recently

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The Bequeather

The Bequeather  Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, and is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons.   "So", he says to them: "Bernie , I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses." "Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza." "Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown." The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property." Sarah replies, "Property? The asshole had a paper route!" Metzger

Reader's Digest LITUS

3 minutes with NO mention of you know who -

Five Things

At Least One Will Make You Laff Reader's Digest Doug M

This Sucks

A group of women were at a seminar on "how to live in a loving relationship with your husband."   The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"  All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"  Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband:  "I love you, sweetheart." The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.  Here are some of the replies:               1.  Who the hell is this?               2.  Hey, mother of my children, are you sick or what?               3.  Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you??               4.  What now?  Did you crash the car again?               5.  I don't understand what you mean?               6.  What the f*** did you do now?              7.  ?!?               8.  Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?               9.  Am I dreaming?               10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.               11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.               12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?? Metzger Sounds Legit ...

ICE

Wife texted husband during this morning's Arctic vortex:

"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texted back:...

"Gently pour lukewarm water over it."

Wife texted back 5 minutes later:

"Computer really screwed up now.”

 
 

 
Some Guy E

Good for the soul

“ An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy went to the local church for confession.   When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic." The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that." "There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays." The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven." "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question." "And what is that?" asked the priest. "Should I tell her the war is over?'' Merrily ”

You do not want to be the one missing at the coffee-klatch

Sh%t Southern Women Say PART 1 PART 2 Seems right to me

Cupcakes

Hostess Bakery  Report: Hostess Bakery plants shut down Friday due to a workers' strike.  It was split up.  The State Department hired all the Twinkies,  the Secret Service hired all the HoHos,  the generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress. Tim W

Let's guess who she voted for -

So mind bogglingly stupid, you have to laugh.-Skyhawker Doug

The Comedy Stylings of the Banana

Catharsis                       Banana Nana-Fo-Fana BANANA Is there anything they can't do? MORE BANANA FUN HERE! ”

5 more things to blame on Mitt

Five other things to blame on Mitt Romney    “ In an impromptu meeting with reporters outside Big Bob’s House of Botox, California Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi blamed corporate raiders such as Romney’s Bain Capital for the 8%+ unemployment rate that has persisted throughout Barack Obama's presidential tenure. When told that Bain Capital was in fact a net creator of jobs, having added well over 100,000 new positions to the economy, the former speaker replied, “That’s not what the ghost of Susan B. Anthony told me.” [More] ” I was going to file this in Silliness, but it's not so, .is it? Ron Metzger

A remote contol, a chicken pot pie. and a nut

WBOC-TV 16, Delmarvas News Leader, FOX 21 - Mmmm. Chicken pot pie.

Men looking at tush is news?

The Humanity                                     Men looking at woman's ass exposed! “ Shocking footage of men looking at a woman's boot-ay?  Oh, the humanity. Oh the shame of it all!   Maybe it's time to reintroduce a little control during a lad's  formative years. I know it worked for me. ”

Last Meal