smart kids, wot

Bedtime funnies

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.

Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight. Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs Q. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’ A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head (various)

Eat this Green-weenies

German "heatball" whiz outwits EU light bulb ban

Just 6 hours ago I posted on how Chinese manufacturers beat the ban on air conditioners that use  the refrigerant R-22, and now a German has figured out how to defeat another Algore idiocy, the ban on incandescent light bulbs.  This is where we used to shine, dammit. “ BERLIN (Reuters) – A German entrepreneur is bypassing a European Union ban on light bulbs of more than 60 watts by marketing his own brand as mini heaters. Siegfried Rotthaeuser and his brother-in-law have come up with a legal way of importing and distributing 75 and 100 watt light bulbs -- by producing them in China, importing them as "small heating devices" and selling them as "heatballs." ” Danka very much.  Next, I suppose, some Laplander will figure out how to disable snoop cams.

RIAA

Today's PSA

Clinton Liberry?

Where's the Effing Bathroom?

It's a pity ....

I'm so pretty, and witty, and wise... .

STOP THE PRESS!

$3,000,000,000,000

“ It took from 1776, when the United States became an independent country, until 1990, the year after the Berlin Wall fell signaling victory in the Cold War, for the federal government to accumulate a total of $3 trillion in debt, according to the Treasury Department. It only took from Jan. 20, 2009, the day President Barack Obama was inaugurated, until Oct. 15, 2010, for the Obama administration to add $3 trillion to the federal debt. The overall debt of the federal government, according to the Treasury Department, is now $13.666 trillion. Carry on. Smokem if you can ...

Saint Homer?

Homer Simpson 'is a true Catholic'   He is an idle, pea-brained glutton with a permanent craving for doughnuts and Duff beer, but Homer Simpson has been declared a true Catholic by the Vatican's official newspaper.

“ But in an article headlined "Homer and Bart are Catholics", the newspaper said: "The Simpsons are among the few TV programmes for children in which Christian faith, religion, and questions about God are recurrent themes." The family "recites prayers before meals and, in their own peculiar way, believes in the life thereafter".Yes, he relentlessly humiliates his evangelical Christian neighbor Ned Flanders. It quoted an analysis by a Jesuit priest, Father Francesco Occhetta, of a 2005 episode of The Simpsons, The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star, which revolved around Catholicism and was aired a few weeks after the death of Pope John Paul II. The episode starts with Bart being expelled from Springfield Elementary School and being enrolled in a Catholic school where he meets a sympathetic priest, voiced by the actor Liam Neeson, who draws him into Catholicism with his kindness. Homer then decides to convert to Catholicism, to the horror of his wife Marge, the Rev Lovejoy and Ned Flanders. The episode touches on issues such as religious conflict, interfaith dialogue, homosexuality and stem cell research. "Few people know it, and he does everything he can to hide it, but it is true: Homer J Simpson is a Catholic," insists L'Osservatore Romano.  [Full Article] ” D'oh! "... among the few TV programmes for children .." ?  It is, unlike other prime-time animated shows (e.g. South Park, Family Guy) something you can watch with kids in the room, but certainly not "for" children. Especially now that it showed Homer voting for Obama, dear God.  As an aside, this is the first time in the YouTube era that I was unable to find even a clip from a Simpson's episode.

R-22 and the Chicoms

FUK KING KWAK

A popular legend from my yoot was that the Japanese established the city Usa in order to ship products marked "MADE IN USA."   This story from Chicago Boy Dan from Madison  is not apocryphal. “ To review, the original intent of the law that was enacted as of January 1 of this year was to eliminate the manufacture of any residential A/C that contained the refrigerant R-22. Unfortunately the law was written poorly, and quickly the Chinese manufacturers flooded the market with air conditioners that were shipped dry, meant to be charged with R-22 in the field. R-22 is still available at relatively low prices. [full] ” What ticks me off  is no domestic company, evidently, took similar advantage of the loophole in that stupid Algore foolishness, or even knew about it, although they're scrambling now.  FUK KING KWAK!

But, but how do it know?

cloistered, confused, cockamamie

Co-host Mika Brzezinski, The New York Times’ Sam Tanenhaus, CBS’s Lesley Stahl, columnist Mike Barnicle, and Newsweek’s Jon Meacham were initially stumped when Stahl prompted the discussion.

la la la la la la la la la la

Who Am I

WHO AM I I was born in one country, raised in another. My father was born in another country. I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women. I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me. My mother died at an early age from cancer. Although my father deserted me and my mother raised me, I later wrote a book idolizing my father not my mother.   Later in life, questions arose over my real name. My birth records were sketchy. No one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate. I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared about them. That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life. I embarked on a new career.   I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was clear to those who read my memoirs, that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child. I became active in local politics in my 30's then, with help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a candidate for national office in my 40s. They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything. I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me, as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks. I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances. This bolstered my ego. At first, my political campaign focused on my country's foreign policy... I was very critical of my country in the last war, and seized every opportunity to bash my country. But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country's economy. I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better, and every poor person would be fed and housed for free.   I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess. It was the free market, banks and corporations. I decided to start making citizens hate them and, if they became envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight.   I called mine "A People's Campaign". That sounded good to all people. I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics and was able to gain widespread popular support. I knew that, if I merely offered the people 'hope', together we could change our country and the world. So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include "persecuted minorities". My true views were not widely known and I kept them unknown, until after I became my nation's leader. I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply read my writings  and examined those people I associated with. I'm glad they didn't. Then I became the most powerful man in the world. And the world learned the truth. WHO AM I? Tim W

Confess, sinners

post secret katharsis

Via IOTW  I went to Post Secrets, where people send postcards conataing a dark secret.  There's not too many right now, and no way of telling whether they're even real, but it took me back to one of my earliest Blog attempts at interfacing with ny community. Confess to Father Rodge This didn't do well, mostly because the few hits a day C&S received came from family and,  you know.   The Catholic church's sacrament of confession has proven mental health benefits, similar to unloading to a shrink.  So to "testimony" in many evangelical churches, where church members stand and describe their transgressions.  While this may have a salutary effect for the testifier, if the transgression was, say, boinking another member of the congregation ..  well not so much on that end.  People are not going to confess the really good stuff  to Father Rodge via e-mail, because .. you know.  So let's bring back another tool   Here.  Confess in public, and feel better. Peace be with you. provided by flash-gear.com

Cheap thrills

guilty

Bill Maher, Keith Olbermann and the MSNBC all-stars, et. al.,  have collectively an audience of a few million people. They  garner disproportionate attention from the new media however.  Why?  I think they appeal to the same audience that went to see Jackass this weekend.  The same reason traffic is slowed to a crawl by accident-scene gawkers.  People like reading about disasters. And because their antics provide cheap fodder for lazy bloggers looking to get readers jumping up and down, and smashing Hummel figures and coffee cups in outrage.  Bloggers like me.

A fine CPUSA whine

Communists warn of new McCarthy era

A too, too delicious red whine

“ US communists called for unity against McCarthy-style witch-hunts at the weekend. Their appeal came in the wake of a series of raids on the homes of 12 peace activists during which computers and photographs were seized. The Communist Party USA (CPUSA) said the September 24 raids had nothing to do with protecting the US people against terrorism and "everything to do with chilling the long-cherished tradition of the right to dissent." Too bad they don't identify the organization these "peace activists" belong to, because I will assure you they are dealt with in depth here.  “ Drawing a parallel with the McCarthy period when CPUSA leaders and members were jailed or fired from their jobs and blacklisted, it said the hysteria and persecution "severely curtailed democracy and free speech, stained our constitution and distorted political discourse for a generation." "McCarthy era" is a rather nebulous tag.  What does it mean?  Offhand, I can't think of anyone who was jailed as a result of the McCarthy senate hearings.  Communists identified by the earlier HUAC (House UnAmerican Activities Committee) who were harassed or lost their jobs, like Sean Penn's father Leo,  were fired by studios they worked for,  under the correct assumption that American moviegoers would not take kindly to seeing their names on film credits.  The iconic "Hollywood Ten" were card-carrying communists who took instructions directly from Uncle Joe Stalin.  As unregistered agents for a hostile foreign government, they're lucky they  didn't share the green room with Julius ans Ethyl. All this is moot of course.  Now that Eric Holder has been alerted to the activities of these rogue FBI agents, it is they whose jobs are in peril.