Oh NOOOOOOOOOOO

Op-Ed Blowback: Trump Behavior Shames Economy (2018-09-06) — The U.S. Economy today said it was embarrassed at its own impressive growth after learning — from a new Bob Woodward book and an anonymous op-ed in The New York Times — that the country is run by an impetuous idiot. “Here I am happily growing and creating jobs,” the Economy said, “while this amoral, bozo blunders around the White House saying stupid stuff, and causing chaos for his staffers. It’s humiliating for me to succeed at this level, at a time when senior administration officials have to steal documents from the president’s desk just to maintain proper decorum.” Reached by phone early this morning, National Security, Deregulation and Judicial Restraint sheepishly agreed with the Economy saying they feel their pleasant circumstances were purchased at the cost of turmoil for senior officials, who have to bear the unfair burden of coping with Trump’s embarrassing behavior just to make America great again. “When we see the suffering of the anonymous resistance,” they said, “we feel guilty about thriving. After all, what do the American people want more than anything, if not a White House that runs according to historic protocol?” ScrappleFace See Also: Nike to ‘Sacrifice Everything’ for Black Community

Rachel profiling

Yucks and YUCK!

For my money Scott Ott (ScrappleFace), and perhaps PJ Gladnick, were the best satirists the WEB has produced.  Before Doug Ross created the Fabulous 50 Blog Awards, there were various other "Best Ever" lists, and Ott won every year, on every list, for best satirist. For some reason I lost track—hell, I lost memory of who it was that used to be that guy.  Finally found him by Googlng best satirists.  But here's what this is about.  While Scrapple Face is on something of a hiatus, he's been doing short videos on Bill Whittle's web site. Which is where I came across this political hootenanny featuring Ott, Whittle and a third guy I don't recognize, but someone will, I'm sure, name him.  It's not a satire, but a thoughtful conversation about Hillary Clinton, the FBI, and other weasels.  And the case for why FBI's Comey, and Hillary, ought be behind bars.

ISIS: Need Man Who Can Throw the BOMB

MOSUL, SYRIA – After a period of time where it appeared Colin Kaepernick may be out of a job for quite some time, he’s finally found a home.

According to ESPN’s Adam Schefter, ISIS has decided to sign the former 49ers quarterback to a one-year deal worth in upwards of $7 million.

Kaepernick opted out of his contract with San Francisco weeks ago, and hadn’t garnered much interest even with numerous teams in need of veteran quarterbacks, until now of course.

“الأَبْجَدِيَّة العَرَبِيَّة‎‎الأَبْجَدِيَّة الالأَبْجَدِيَّة العَرَبِيَّة‎‎ يَّة‎‎ ” said ISIS GM Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

“We think he can be a strong asset for us, a translator said. “He’s not very accurate, but with bombs and grenades, that isn’t the most important of attributes.”

“He is quite explosive though,” he added. “At only 7 million, he’s a real bang for your buck.”

 Daily Snark

Bitch Slapping the WaPost; et.al.

via Grin Dedicated to the Washington Post

I've NEVER felt safer !

"I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on EBAY
any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the  Neighborhood Watch.

I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard.
And, I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN Buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flag pole.

Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I've NEVER felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.

Plus, I bought burkas to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way and security can't pat me down. If they say I'm a male wearing a burka, I just say I'm feeling like a woman today.

Safe at last. Is this administration great or what ?"

General Petty Officer 5th Class Skyhawker Doug

And written in indelible ink?

CA Raises Minimum Wage – First Burger Joint Run Entirely By Robots Set To Open

In related news ... Rep. Conchita Ohare (54th) immediately responded from her home in Playa Encanto, saying that "burger robots" are unconstitutional. "Yes, I know all about the "unalienable rights," but only a very small percentage of the state's workers are alien, and secondly, California is progressive enough to grant anyone citizenship."  When asked what "unalienable rights" had to do with robot workers, she replied "That's  where the constitution guaranteed the unalienable right of a wage that made people happy!" (Playa Encanto Times Herald) Min wage jumps fron $10 to $15.

Modern Educayshun

BRILLIANT!

We have to vote ...

Parody? Or Satire? Ron Metzger

I sparred with Muhammad Ali

Hillary Clinton: I sparred with Muhammad Ali Presumptive Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has paid tribute to boxing legend Muhammad Ali, recalling how she sparred with the three-time world champion in the early 1970s. “I remember back in 1970 when the Nixon administration had banned him from boxing. I would often spar with him to keep him fresh, you know, keep him on his toes,” Clinton recalled. And that wasn’t the only Clinton family connection to the man known as “The Greatest” to fans around the world. “My daughter Chelsea was an au pair to his children at the same time. They used to call her mammy,” said Clinton. “I remember the day Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot. I was eating fried chicken and watermelon with Muhammad’s mother. She wept uncontrollably into my shoulder. I still have that tear-stained dress.” “And I just remembered that my middle name is Muhammad and that name was actually given to me by my parents in homage to Mr. Ali,” Clinton went on. “After all, what nobler calling could an African-American have than to beat the crap out of another African-American for the amusement of white people, giving themselves permanent brain damage,” said Clinton. “Another thing I just remembered,” said Clinton, “is that on 9/11 when I went into the South Tower to rescue Chelsea, Muhammad was there with me, and he took my hand and led me up those 398 floors.” Continue at Dandy Goat Via Tommy Lee Smith

Obama discusses Syria on Facebook

This is why Algore invented the internet! Obama discusses Syria on Facebook I'm dyin' here boss ... There's more ...

Genderbenders

Ahem

Missouri Football Protest

BLACK RACISTS

Missouri football players refuse to play until Entire cast of CREED wins Oscar! The Oscars’ Racist Refusal to Honor Modern Black Heroes Those Bastards!

Scrappleface Rediscovered

For a long time  I've wondered "what happened to that guy, whose name I can't remember, but who won all the awards for Best Satire but then sort of disappeared?" and then,  just now I remembered.  Scrappelface!

Courageous Bruce Jenner

Skoonj!

Thank you for calling, please press ...

TECHNO CHILLS

Calling (Insert Your Cable Company Here)! I love Amy Schumer.  This is a clip from her "Inside Amy..." series that I now think of nearly every day when something Verizon FIOS invariably screws something up and makes me curse.  I know I can't call them because this is what happens, and it will make me shake and quiver if I do call.  So I don't anymore.  hate Verizon's guts.

The New News

ON WISCONSIN! There is an upside to the media phenomenon where they slant news to suit a constituency, creating "new truth" along the way.   Let's  then congratulate the National Champion Wisconsin Badgers for whipping  the Duke Blue Devils last night.  How sweet is was to see Mike Krzyzewski arrested after he punched a Wisconsin Coach in the head.

GLUTEN EBOLA

In the Gluten Maximus!

It's been a long time since I posted a South Park clip.  I guess because the only thing I watch on broadcast television are ... erm ... WOW, nothing.  Everything I watch is streaming or TIVO'd. Anyway, I added the Comedy Central app to my iPad, and ran across this, for one.  It's Gluten Free! In my absence SP has actually, somehow, become more profane (wall-to-wall filthy language).  Here's the full episode for them what are not at work, or not around people offended by it, or the truth for that matter.  You're welcome. (or;  http://southpark.cc.com/full-episodes/s18e02-gluten-free-ebola

Progressive Christmas Carols

Progressive Christmas Carols Merrily

Yo we's be Tired o' dis here sheeit you know das right!

Liberal Racialists

“ Why Should We Treat People Who Falsely Cry Racism With Kid Gloves? Since we’ve entered the Obama era, we’ve learned that the same America that elected a black President twice is supposedly a seething caldron of secret racism. Don’t like Obama? You must be racist. Don’t like Democrats? SO racist! So you’re opposed to Obamacare? Obviously racist. Sick of the IRS? Racist, racist, RACIST! Are you Republican? A Tea Partier? Just a plain old, white guy? You’re a super racisty racist!!! We’re now even regularly hearing speculation that people are unknowingly racist, subconsciously racist or just racist by virtue of the fact that they somehow benefit from “white privilege.” "Yo ah think niggas forget dat we's’ve lived in da whitey crib fo' six years ... 'bfoe dat, Barack Obama wuz uh black nigga dat lived on da Souf Side o' Chicago, who had his share o' troubles catching cabs what 'chew trippin foo' " Mrs. Obama continued  "Yo ah tell dis here story – ah mean, even as da first beotch – during dat wonderfully publicized trip ah took ta Target, not highly disguised, da only nigga who came up ta me in da swapmeet wuz uh beotch who asked me ta he`p her take somethin` off uh shelf. cuz she didn’t see me as da first beotch, she seen me as someone who could he`p her. Those kinds o' things happen in life. So it isn’t anythin` new Jus' like Orenthawl James." (Translation for homeboys) Here's an alternative idea: 99% of the cries of racism today are made for political reasons, by people who habitually cry racism every time they have a problem or alternatively, just by hyper sensitive, coddled mediocrities who are desperate to blame anyone but themselves for their own failures. Just as an example, nobody wants to hear the poor, put upon first lady of the United States complaining that she was discriminated against because someone asked for her help getting something off the shelf at Target.(Inset) Similarly, someone asked her husband to go get some coffee because he wearing a tuxedo and they mistook him for a waiter? Boo freaking hoo. A lot of people get mistaken for store employees at some point in their life. I’ve been mistaken for a Wal-Mart employee – and despite the fact that I wasn’t wearing a blue smock with, “How may I help you on it,” it never occurred to me to blame it on racism. “That’s because you’re white!” No, it’s because I’m not an asshat who chalks up every minor inconvenience in my life to race. FULL ARTICLE ”