Run Like a Man

Barn Army Memo

Without naming names, this is  letter is representative of others I've received from many, many Barn Army women. “ Dear Supreme Commander S.H.Long: I can't thank you enough for including me in the ranks of America's Barn Army regulars.  I particularly like that you make no distinction between men and women, even to the point of having group showers and latrines.  But here's where I'd like some help.  During our bayonet charge drills, for instance, I can't help noticing that we girls run like, well, girls.  Is there some trick that will give us that same swaggering, heroic-like motion? Thanks ever so much, Samurai ... (name deleted). ” Thanks for your question (name deleted).  Yes, you'll need two boiled and peeled eggs and one of those mesh onion sacks Works like a charm

Putin's Request

Secret Files

Putin is Dyslexic

Dyslexic The recent bizarre, and pointedly jingoistic ravings of Stalin wannabe Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, a.k.a. Pooty-Poot, is explained by these secret Barn Army photos taken by undercover agent Juice. He has a dyslexic mind, and is quite illiterate. So, when he recently criticized President Bush, or threatened to cut European gas supplies, what he was really trying to say was, "Please, somebody kill me."

Verizon Service

Today's Consumer Report

Verizon

We've had Verizon FIOS phone, internet and television service for two years.  Score: Quality Interface Phone A  N/A Internet A B+ Television A- C The television interface score reflects my breaking three remote controls (@ $6.95), because I hold it in my hand, find a comfortable feeling button (Volume and Channel in my case) and, Capt. Queeg like, rock them them continuously.  More seriously, their menu system would be much improved if they just copied Direct TV's.  TV quality gets a downgrade to A- for not carrying RFD TV.   Verizon gets a Sneaky Bastard gig too, and here's why.  When we signed up we received a bundled price, but in the past year costs have undergone significant mission creep, which I attributed to rental movies, rate increases, etc.  We were at the point of ditching all but the cheapest phone service, and going with one of the Vonage services for long distance.  But I digress. While I was ordering a High Definition cable box, and exploring my options, the Verizon lady Mrs. Johnson asked, "do you know about our bundled service plan?"  Yes, we have the bundled service.  "I don't show that you do?"  Huh?  "Oh, I see.  It expired."  Huh?  "I'm going to go ahead and renew the contract (one year), is that okay?"  Huh? Bottom line, and you've seen the commercials, we will get all three services for $109/ month (cheaper than when we started) , plus the set box monthly rental fee, and tax.  In our case it means that, after adding a third HD Box (TIVO-like recorder), and getting all HD programming, we will pay about $40 less/month.   Not only that, as a parting shot Mrs. Johnson said, "Oh, by the way, we're upgrading your FIOS internet to "20" download and "5" upload speed, three times faster than presently. Which was blazing to begin with.  How fast is that?  I'm writing this review two hours from now.   I did a speed test last night. Compare yours here. I offer this for what it's worth. And remind me next January to redo my bundle, because they don't.

Pre Endoscope

Muzzy Uggy

BURKA! BURKA! BURKA!

I'be gome blinf

DC CRIME

Obama Stuff

Crap - I read this to mean --  I'm not making this up --  to mean that Bush was declaring martial law to prevent turning the government over to an illegal alien communist.  The tip-off was the £110m cost.  It's more like $100 trillion, and 100 million lives.  Sigh. More disappointment.  Then, there's this secret news you will only read here. .  A routine examination of the Obamamobile disclosed an act of sabotage.  A disaffected Hillary Clinton supporter plead guilty to replacing a section of door armor with heavy duty tin foil.  Click HERE for full sized secret drawing of this wretched excess. Let him ride around in a donkey cart, that's what I say.  His supporters won't assassinate him, and his enemies, scared to death of a glut of stadia, schools, airports and highways named after the sumbitch, won't either.

HP DEALS

Hurry, valid only through 1/30/2009 or while supplies last!

MM

Fried Foods

Southern Fried Pizza

One of the things I've learned on the long journey to becoming a gourmet chef, is how to handle disasters.  You have a house full of people for your dinner party, when at the last minute the soufflé falls, or the mashed potatoes are too runny, or like that.  The answer - deep fry your mistakes and serve.  Deep frying makes everything wonderful.  Works on leftover foods too, as seen here in Southern Fried Pizza.  You're welcome.

Spackle Time

The Whipped Man's Burden

We're having a baby shower here Sunday, with company we don't know. You know what that means, don't you?  That's right.  Spackle and repaint the whole house, clean my desk, and make sure the seat's down.  That's what I'll be doing.

Lost fruit

How was your date dear?

Hey, I saw this crap movie before.

Today's Shlongderdamus

Déjà Vu-doo

I'm looking forward to hearing this plaintive plea from lib media -- "If congress doesn't give Obama the 350B bailout money, his will be a failed presidency from the start."  Obama will  successfully lobby  Rep. Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky (PA D)  in the House, and Sen. Bob Kerrey (D NB) in the Senate and squeak by, just.  More to look forward to.  Obama Executive Order ends  "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  Michelle Obama fires the Secret Service; replaces them with the Farrakhan Republican Guard.  Obama Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel commits suicide in Fort Marcy Park by cutting his head off. Hillary Clinton turns over her WHO Database to Bill Ayers for "processing."   A postal worker in Minnesota assassinates Al Franken.  Dems respond with The Omnibus Gun Seizure Bill.  The NRA protests. WCBM in Baltimore loses it's broadcast license in the first Fairness Doctrine challenge.  Worried broadcasters nationwide drop all talk radio.  Rush Limbaugh buys the Miami Dolphins, and retires.  Ubangi Rock dominates the airwaves. The FBI gives Obama's WH the list if every blogger who's called Obama a MFCS.  They disapp

Liberal Whines

Doo-Dah

doo doo

I almost can't stand more of this racist whining from the most racist group of dew-berries on God's earth.  Time for some foot stompin' music.

PMCS

Today's Shlongderdamus Vision

PMCs

Will Decide America's Fate, One Way or Another

Third dumbest thing we ever did was end the military draft.  End of discussion.

Inquisitive

Today's WTF? Five Guesses

Swedish Cub Scouts San Francisco Christian School Crisis Center Montessori School Musical Chairs Pin the Tail Party Game Hide the Cocktail Wiener

She wanted something that fit

EXCLUSIVE FIRST LOOK

Michelle Obama's Inuagural Slippers.

Bawls

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet,' she replied.

CR

certs

Illegal Alien Breaks Into White House

Strangles Constitution

“ Nearly a week before his inauguration, President-elect Barack Obama likely has one less burden on his shoulders, as the United States Supreme Court denied certiorari today in the first lawsuit which called into question his constitutional eligibility to serve as president of the United States. A motion filed by a third party seeking permission to file a amicus curiae--"friend of the court"--brief was granted, but with certiorari denied in Berg's case, it is unclear whether granting the amicus curiae motion is anything more than a formality, and whether the conference scheduled for Friday, January 16 in order to weigh an underlying injunction filed by Berg is necessary at this point. -- Jeff Schreiber continued. ”

Kill a Commie for Christ

Obama climate czar has socialist ties

Group sees 'global governance' as solution

“ Until last week, Carol M. Browner, President-elect Barack Obama's pick as global warming czar, was listed as one of 14 leaders of a socialist group's Commission for a Sustainable World Society, which calls for "global governance" and says rich countries must shrink their economies to address climate change. By Thursday, Mrs. Browner's name and biography had been removed from Socialist International's Web page, though a photo of her speaking June 30 to the group's congress in Greece was still available. [WaTimes] ” It doesn't matter that the scientific community has discredited man-caused global warming, and now points to a global cooling trend.  It's the tool our commie gummint needs to trump the private property doctrine, and our freedom with it.  To put things in historical perspective, we're entering 1933 Germany.  Enabling laws are being introduced that will lead to our total subjugation.  Killing them one by one, in a series of unorchestrated individual actions is the only solution I can think of, and that of course is against the law.  Sheesh.  I guess we're screwed.

There are so easy

Twenty Second Solutions

Super Fantastic Gizmondo

I remember ...

The Time I Was Able to See Pam Dobbertin's Underpants

Thanks Ovaltine!