WTF Box

What is this?

Disposable holster?  Marble thrower?  Taco holder?

Answer

Call the Pope!

Rethinking Condoms Here Boss

Throb

Hair Stylist Keeps Armed Robber as Sex Slave

As seen in "10 items or less" checkout line :)

“ In what is either the weirdest Russian crime story of the year so far or a new low in yellow crime journalism, a female hair stylist in the Kaluga region is suspected of holding an armed robber in captivity as a sex slave for two days after he unsuccessfully tried to knock over her beauty salon. The robber, a 32-year-old man identified by Life.ru as "Viktor," burst into the salon at around 5 p.m. waving a pistol and ordered all of the stylists and clients to hit the floor and toss him their money.   At this point, 28-year-old Olga, whom Life.ru describes as a "delicate" girl trained in martial arts, was apparently still standing when she offered to hand over her cash. But when Viktor tried to accept her contribution, Olga surprised him with a quick punch to the chest, knocking the wind out of him before she flipped him to the ground.   Olga proceeded to tie Viktor up with a hair-dryer cord, gagged him and dragged him into a storage room.   Curiously, Life.ru reports, Olga instructed the others to keep working, telling them that the police would soon arrive.   But this feel-good moment for the good guy proved ephemeral. Things soon turned ugly, according to Life.ru.   The police did not come. And after the other stylists and clients went home for the evening, Olga told Viktor to "take off his underwear" and, with apologies to John Cougar Mellencamp, let her do as she pleases, lest she call the cops, Life.ru said.   She tied him to the radiator with handcuffs covered in frilly pink fabric, gave him some Viagra and had her way with him several times over the next 48 hours. When she finally let him go on the evening of March 16, Viktor had been "squeezed like a lemon," Life.ru reported.   First, he went to the hospital to have his injured genitals treated; then he went to police and filed a complaint asking that Olga be brought up on criminal charges for committing "actions of a sexual nature" that left him with injured sexual organs, according to a copy of the complaint posted on Life.ru.   Olga was apparently incensed when she learned of the complaint. She had, after all, even tried to be nice to her purported captive.   "What a jerk," Life.ru quoted her as saying. "Yeah, there were a few times. But I bought him new jeans, gave him food and drink, and gave him 1,000 rubles when he left."   ”

What? Obama a fascist?

CNN Sics Crack Reporter? on Tea Party

This Easter egg is loaded with little bias bomblets

Texas Darlin snagged this beauty “ Join the movement to FIRE SUSAN ROESGEN, the CNN lackey who assaulted and insulted these Tea Party protesters. UPDATE: foundingbloggers stayed on the scene after Roesgen, CNN reporter-in-training, shut down the network cameras. Here’s their illuminating report: ” Susan Roesgen deserves firing, but no more than just about any lefty media voice  Olbermann you'd care to Chris Matthews name. They actually serve a purpose, as in "when your enemy insists on shooting himself in the foot, let him."

Ridem Cowboys

Montana sovereignty bills have national scope

Leftist Dem Governor signs gun protection bill

American Constitution The New Sensation That's Sweeping The Nation

Giddyup “ HELENA- Gov. Brian Schweitzer has signed into law a bill that aims to exempt Montana-made guns from federal regulation. House Bill 246 was sponsored by Republican Rep. Joel Boniek of Livingston. It applies only to guns made and kept in Montana. Its supporters hope it triggers a court case to test the legal basis for federal rules governing gun sales. The measure is one of many introduced this year by state lawmakers across the nation that seek to assert state sovereignty. Along with the gun bill, Montana legislators are also considering a resolution that affirms the federal government only has those powers listed in the U.S. Constitution. ”

Dear Dad ...

Why Parents Drink

“ A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.  She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.  We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son John PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home. ”

Jodi-Lou

The S Word

"This morning Perry sounded a lot like a Ronald Reagan doll during his visit with radio talker Laura Ingraham.  [catching breath] And, this afternoon, energized by his participation in tea party activities, a manic [sic] Perry blurted out [gasp]  the “S” word - secession!"

Whew!  That breathless report is courtesy of a dude, "Greg G," using Lone Star Times  ink. Yup, if you want to tar someone as being deranged, comparing him to a "Ronald Reagan Doll." is the ticket.  If you're a politically tone deaf  canker blossom. I agree that hearing  the "S" word drop off the lips of  the Governor of Texas shocks, and it should.  So did the "I" word when Mark Helprin became the first national voice to call for Clinton's impeachment.  But, the latter needed doing,  and so too, most likely, the former.  Things have gone that far.  Let's do it with civility.  I'm looking to trade houses with some Austin pasty-face yahoo who will be far more comfortable in MD.  Snowblower included free.

Sneakin' in aqui, El Bosso

ATTENTION: ALL BORDER PATROL AGENTS. "Be on the lookout for a `54 Chevy... Red with White top"

Tom Mann

Classy

Looks Like Linda's Tee?

A Naughty Girl

UN Jerk-offs

How predictable is U.N. ineffectiveness? *indelicate, but entirely appropriate language warning*

What is this - five years old?

What's the difference between the IRS and the Gestao? The Gestapo wore cool uniforms.

April 15th

It's 9:15 and I still haven't loaded the Tax-Cut program.  Indeed, I don't know quite where it is.  There is obviously some pathology involved in my not wanting to comply. I don't think I'll owe anything, so it's not that. It used to be - and I am not making this up - it used to be I'd do my taxes and say, "I consider it a privilege to pay taxes, and I hope I have to pay double next year, because that'll mean my income has doubled ."   Today, I think more along the lines of, "I'm filing my tax return only because I fear the IRS more than I fear al-Qaeda back shooters." I also hate and despise the system that spawned this extra-constitutional bureau. If I was in a movie today, I'd be this guy ... Oops, I mean this guy ...

See? You're not so phkd-up

Today's "Making You Feel Better About Your Own Life"

Paint can heads

Why is this man wearing a paint can on his head?

Or, the other guy a kid's 4mil plastic safety hat,  when  actual real headgear is stowed on the handlebars?

FACT Whatever country these guys are from has the same vote in the UN as does the United States, which makes us a third world country by proxy.

Reagan's Problem

Walking Reagan

Oye

Reagan, a Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier,  is 11½ years old and has a problem.  We think she has a tumor pressing against her bladder that keeps her from emptying it.  We think it's cancer.  For a year the vet has said it was a UTI, but after three different visits and prescriptions (costing nearly $800)  failed to do any good, we don't listen anymore. This is 9 minutes of a 20 minute walk.  She stops to pee every few minutes, but only produces a dribble - at best.  She's lost about 10 pounds, and is always hungry.  I've fed her boiled rice and chicken, along with a diet dog food supplement for a year.  Maybe someone has had the same experience.  PS - YouTube removed my songtrack which included Elvis Pressley's "Old Shep." Too bad.

NWO

Crime Families?

Rick Beckham wrote, "Take what you want from this (New World Order video)."  I took this.

Seems to pass today's smell test (Optional External Player)

Friendly Aircraft

Got a laugh hernia here boss LSOG

Did Shiff's clients benefit?

Peter Schiff schools Art Laffer 2006 Prediction

But, wait!  Peter Schiff was wrong?

ozaob

So much for Billy Mays

"Color so white you won't believe it!"

Eye-Witness: "You could see it coming"

Pitchman burnt at stake

er, fox

Depending on whose ox is being gored ...

Pillow Perv

Pillow Plower Pays Price

Guess we can figure this one out, wot?

Gomer ZerO

Tracking President ZerO

NYT: Obama, Europe May Drop Key Condition for Talks With Iran... "Okay, I will kiss his ass." NKorea says will restart nuclear-arms plant...

Let the Games Begin

Gov. Perry Backs Resolution Affirming Texas Sovereignty Under 10th Amendment

Zippety Doo Dah

Grigsby's Tombstone Prophecy

Grigsby Tried To Warn Us ...

but would we listen?  noooooooo.

Skyhawker Doug

I know ... let's create a Gestapo!

America: Freedom to Fascism Director's Authorized Version

Make time ... !

GP? As in GM?

Coming Soon to a Place Near You

Chrissie

Homeland Security finds an enemy. Us.

A Citizen's Righteous  Angst

Watch CBS Videos Online “ Stahl background narration: Fear of Obama has caused a national ammo shortage Stahl questions president of Virginia gun rights group:   Is the gun lobby whipping up these fears? Answer: No, the election took care of that. ” I watched Sunday's 60 Minutes visit to a Richmond, Va gun show.  At the heart of it all was the failure of Virginia to close the so called "gun show loophole," that allows individuals to buy and sell guns without going through the federal bureaucracy.  Samurai AG TFV just this second sent me to this story, where Our Department of Homeland Security defines this constitutionally legal action as "Rightwing extremism ... rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority,"  in their new Office of Intelligence and Analysis report titled: Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate Fueling Resurgence in Radicalization and Recruitment. “ Rightwing extremism in the United States can be broadly divided into those groups, movements, and adherents that are primarily hate-oriented (based on hatred of particular religious, racial or ethnic groups), and those that are mainly antigovernment, rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority, or rejecting government authority entirely. It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration. [Michelle Malkin's report]  ” This, Ms. Stahl, is what has those Richmond gun buyers so worried.  The last U.S. President to face an uprising by the populace, Lincoln, was nominally targeted for wanting to end slavery.  Today's mood is fueled by fears that Obama is an enslaver.  And every time he opens his mouth, he adds more fuel to the fire.  Our current federal government is an out of control monstrosity.

LGF Amok

Prince Charles Agonistes

Lounge Lizard?

What recommended Chuck "You Doesn't Have To Call Me" Johnson's Little Green Football site,  post 9-11, was his balls out, and well constructed war against fascist Islam, and its American agents like CAIR.  Anon, I discovered that Chuck was among those who had  abandoned the Scientific Method midstream,  and advanced Charles Darwin's working hypothesis -Shazaam! -  to proved and published status.  (Does Charles also accept  Algore's Global Warming position, and if not, why not?)  This makes it more convenient to ridicule Judaic, Christian, (and Islam) religious beliefs, as is CJ's wont to indeed do. I could, and did, yawn through that, although as it's increasingly being used to advance the religion of government, it's become very problematical.   Most damning though, in my eyes, is CJ's arrogant, flat out declaration dismissing any questioning of Obama's citizenship eligibility.  Even now, when 100% of all real and anecdotal evidence put forward shows  that Obama is an illegitimately seated president, and while the single rebuttal instrument proffered by his cult followers is a certificate Serial number black out to thwart attempts to date?, which only requirement for issuance is a sworn declaration by any Hawaiian citizen, e.g. Granny Dunham; even with all that, Prince Charles steadfastly maintains his position, and continues to  ban from his site any and all apostates.  So, this is funny as shit. “ One of our readers — who is on CAIR’s mailing list — received a press release today and forwarded it to us. CAIR is alerting its members to an upcoming “Islamophobic” conference in Florida in which Robert Spencer of Jihad Watch will participate. The email included the following paragraph: The Little Green Footballs blog, also widely known for its Islamophobic viewpoint, wrote of Spencer’s site: “His website has descended into a true hate site at this point, dominated by extreme, bigoted commenters who regularly advocate genocide and mass murder of Muslims.” So this is what it’s come to: CAIR is now citing Little Green Footballs to score points against one of the most important Counterjihad activists of our time. Thanks, Charles. You did us all a real big favor. And now you can rest easily, knowing that your site is 100% Nazi-free. [Gates of Vienna] ”

Fart Fight! Fart Fight!

Flatulence leads to knife fight in Waco

Comments are great

Linda Sue

Won't Be Missed At All

SOMALIA

would scarcely be missed

Cocktales

Tasty Tid-Bits From the Lounge

“ Deacon Blues  I think the Aliens are disguising themselvs as curly fries. On another note: Ms. Pelosi said she slept little, stole exercise by dashing through airports and subsisted many days on Ghirardelli chocolates (“less than 10” a day) and pistachio nuts (which she shells with her teeth). “I had a hamburger last night and it was my breakfast, lunch and dinner,” she said last week. “And I had these strange things. I realized they were French fries.” She made quick spiraling gestures with her fingers to show what they looked like. It was apparent that she was not familiar with curly fries. swksvolFF  Oh and yes, congratulations to the SEAL team - I have seen some fancy shooting from a moving vehicle but 3 good shots on big water, well, if it were in a movie I would flag BS yet here it is, reality. Outstanding job. And to the captain, waiting for the guest invite to the round table of Deadliest Catch. "On the next episode of Deadliest Catch: Somalia - pirates holding a US captain decide to end negotiations for the day.." badanov Representative Henry Waxman teabags the US economy... ”

Obama, not to be outdone ...

Obama's Sermon on the Mount

Meeting the competition head on

Exercizing with Pelosi

When everything in your house is breaking and you also find yourself wanting to erase a number of places off the map I've heard that getting off your ass and exercizing can help but I need motivating and not from Jane Fonda but I think this is the ticket except it was right there in front of my nose and I'm depressed that I had to let someone else put it together.  Dammit.

Chuckles Kills the Easter Bunny

What part of this picture doesn't compute?

Ginzgerg, Goldberg and Band-Aids

Why I'm blogging at 4:30 AM

Thank God these were only a bad dream, and could never really happen ...  “ Austin ER’s got 2,678 visits from 9 people over 6 years In the past six years, eight people from Austin and one from Luling racked up 2,678 emergency room visits in Central Texas, costing hospitals, taxpayers and others $3 million, according to a report from a nonprofit made up of hospitals and other providers that care for the uninsured and low-income Central Texans. One of the nine spent more than a third of last year in the ER: 145 days. That same patient totaled 554 ER visits from 2003 through 2008… ''The first thing we do, let's kill all the journo professors'' - Dick the Butcher Bernard Goldberg isn’t the most popular name in today’s newsrooms, and that was before he wrote  A Slobbering Love Affair: The True (and Pathetic) Story of a Torrid Romance Between Barack Obama and the Mainstream Media. Goldberg reinvented himself from long-time CBS newsman — with six Emmys to his credit — to liberal media bias detector with bestsellers Bias and Arrogance. Today’s MSMers may be a lost cause. But what about journalism school professors? What do they think of Goldberg’s books? Do they take his criticisms to heart? Or can they successfully poke holes in his arguments? These professors are molding the minds of tomorrow’s media gatekeepers. What could be better than for them to engage their students with Goldberg’s thesis? Even if they disagree with Goldberg, they could spark the kind of healthy debate all budding journalists should consider. So I decided to ask some journalism professors myself. I spent the last month directly reaching out to more than 20 professors from across the country, as well as several university PR divisions, to get their take on Goldberg’s critiques. I even turned to my Facebook and Twitter accounts to seek out anyone who might comment for this article. I should have expected the result. Silence. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg defends the use of foreign law by American judges ''The first thing we do, let's kill all the liberal judges'' - A busy Dick the Butcher ” what?

Sammy's Story

Mommy, tell us again how you saved Sammy the squirrel.

... lived happily for 22 minutes.

The phone rang at 3 AM and he was hiding.

11:39    badanov    Someone at RedState just pointed out that we spent eight of the Bush years (after 9/11) without an attack on Americans Not even six ... months in to the Obamanation, and a ship gets attacked. Way to go, Obamanation...

Depicted above   “To The Shores of Tripoli” (artist Raymond Massey) commemorates the 200th anniversary of the U.S.S.  Constitution- Captain John Paul Jones firing the first of 17 nuclear cruise missiles that reduced current day Lybia to an ash heap.  There was no more piracy.  Until last week. “ Within days of his March 1801 inauguration as the third President of the United States, Thomas Jefferson ordered a naval and military expedition to North Africa, without the authorization of Congress, to put down regimes involved in slavery and piracy. The war was the first in which the U.S. flag was carried and planted overseas; it saw the baptism by fire of the U.S. Marine Corps--whose anthem boasts of action on "the shores of Tripoli"--and it prefigured later struggles with both terrorism and jihad. The U.S. had never menaced or quarreled with any of the Muslim powers. As Jefferson later reported to the State Department and Congress, "Their Ambassador answered us that it was founded on the Laws of their Prophet, that it was written in their Koran, that all nations who should not have acknowledged their authority were sinners, that it was their right and duty to make war upon them wherever they could be found, and to make slaves of all they could take as Prisoners." Jefferson's recommendation was that the Administration refuse any payment of tribute and prepare at once to outfit a naval squadron to visit the Mediterranean in strength. [Time] ”

Council on Modesty

Modesty Inquisition

Are they?

"Nip Capped" and modest

In my capacity of ordained internet Bishop, a position higher than either of the Revs. Jackson or Sharpton, certain moral questions fall into my lap, and must be attended to.  Let's consider the top picture then.  While decidedly risqué in my yoot, these halter tops meet minimal standards of public decency today.  The nipples are covered.  That's where the line seems to be drawn, wot? No nips, no sin. And of course that does make certain sense, because what is a breast without a nipple?  Just another wattle.  But here comes the tricky part.  As you'll note on the roll-over, the young ladies are technically observing proper modesty by wearing nipple caps, even though they look like nipples.  So what judgment should I pass on this accoutrement?  This was difficult, because as a world renowned expert on nipples, I see immediately that they are capped, and don't give them a never-mind. However, it's quite possible that the average person would not see the distinction, and as a consequence, through no fault of their own, would have smutty thoughts. I therefore rule that nipple nipple caps are immodest.   So signed and sealed, this day.

Easter and Basketball

Todays death by meatball

The teacher asked class if they knew what Easter meant.  "I know" said Johhny.  "Easter is when the Easter Bunny comes out of his cave, and if he sees his shadow it means 6 more weeks of basketball."

Democrats "Fix" Everything

Just check our record!

Obama sees 'glimmers of hope' -- reflecting from the puddles?

Theme Music courtesy of Rick Beckham

Personal relief and turkey basting

The RECTO ROTOR

From the olden times when we didn't need no stinkin' gummint health care

The RECTO ROTOR Lubricating Dilator is still the only improvement ever made on the common "dilator" which hitherto was the most successful application for the relief of Piles and Constipation.  Today, by simply changing unguents, it's made more versatile than ever.  A sage unguent will nicely baste your Thanksgiving turkey, and then there's Doc Johnson's® line of personal unguents that open Pandora's Box of "vital spot" remedies.  Let's return to those days of self reliance, and tell gummint, "I ain't paying for no stinking commie health care."

Cuba Got "Change" in 1959

Today's Awards

Denny wins two major awards for this Cuba got "CHANGE" in 1959 bumper sticker, and for his insightful observation about Chuckles Schumer:   “ Yannow, someone ruined a perfect prick when they put ears on this dude. ”

... beyyer to remain silent and let them think you're stupid ...

Today's Dufus Republican

"All but 17 Democrats in House are Socialists" is closer, but only closer.

I count 41 in the Black Congressional Caucus alone.

My birthday boner

Barack Obama: President Pantywaist - new surrender monkey on the block

London Telegraph's Gerald Warner asks, "Is it Just me?"

LSoG has more on this, so I'll just stick with the basics.  Like, maybe the best lede in newspaper history.... “ President Barack Obama has recently completed the most successful foreign policy tour since Napoleon's retreat from Moscow. You name it, he blew it. What was his big deal economic programme that he was determined to drive through the G20 summit? Another massive stimulus package, globally funded and co-ordinated. Did he achieve it? Not so as you'd notice. ” And, if all the comments are as good as this, I'll have the column bound in leather.  “ "surrender monkey", "flag-day in Aberdeen", "infidel cooks and bottle-washers", "Pantywaist". Ha, ha, ha! I wonder how many of New Labour's "unmutual" laws you have broken there. ” Am I happy that the United  States President is seen overseas as weak, stupid, and ineffectual?  Of course not,  I'm sorry that Obama is all that, and for the time being is recognized as being  the president. Oh, and no Mr. Warner, it is not just you.

The Big 1-0

States’ Rights Update: Alaska, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Montana

The Tenth Amendment (Amendment X) of the United States Constitution, which is part of the Bill of Rights, was ratified on December 15, 1791. The Tenth Amendment restates the Constitution's principle of Federalism by providing that powers not granted to the national government nor prohibited to the states are reserved to the states or the people.

These are states where legislators are taking action to affirm the Tenth Amendment.  What do it mean?  It means people are getting sick and tired of intrusive gummint.  [More]   I may be over-extrapolating my feelings some, but I think a lot of us are feeling what the hippies felt in the sixties ... that their, still worthless, lives had meaning when they worked to destroy the establishment.  The difference is, they were dope smoking yahoos, under the influence of a leftist education system; we're not.   They were personified  by Naked Moonbeam; we're the guys who pay all the taxes, fight all the wars, and know that Howard Zinn is a leftist-asswipe. We're  these guys.    Don't know how many join me, but it's more than one.

HFS!

Like Diogenes

Wanders the world, searching for a bra that fits

Reagan on Socialized Medicine

So who're you gonna believe - Ronald Reagan or Michael Moore?

SICKOS

The curious case of 200 nearly identical MSM headlines The following headlines have appeared in newspapers within the last 24 hours.

More predictable than curious.  Coincidental with The One's installation, Michael Moore's "SICKO" has been showed non-stop on one cable venue or another, including the Science, Discovery, and Hitler channels.

Blonde takes a hike

Blonde + Escalator

BinLaden innocent- traditional values over

From Gateway Pundit: Dutch TV Finds Bin Laden Not Guilty of 9-11 Attacks Via the Hollywood Reporter: A Dutch TV jury has found Osama bin Laden not guilty of the Sept. 11 attacks. In the conclusion Wednesday night to the show "Devil's Advocate" on Dutch public broadcaster Nederland 2, the jury of two men and three women, along with the studio audience, ruled there was no proof bin Laden was the mastermind behind the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon in 2001. The Netherlands, home to "Big Brother" creator Endemol, is known for being on the cutting edge of format-based television. But even for Dutch standards, "Devil's Advocate," from Amsterdam production house AVRO, pushes the envelope. The show features star defense attorney Gerard Spong standing up for some of the world's worst criminals. In the latest show, Spong was able to convince the jury that bin Laden's connection to Sept. 11 was a product of "Western propaganda." The jury also ruled there was insufficient evidence to prove bin Laden was the real head of terrorist network al-Qaida. However, the jury did rule that bin Laden is a "terrorist who has misused Islam." This mini-Hague Court is what we may expect once Obama has finished ceding our sovereignty to the United Nations. I am not making that up.  On the home front, Chuckles Schumer adds an explanation point. Traditional Values & Strong Foreign Policy Are Over

Joe Biden Schooled by Rove

Biden:Hoist on his own canard

"He's a serial exaggerator; if I was being unkind I'd say he's a liar"

So a kid walks into a school ...

Today's Death by Meatball

The teacher was showing the kids how things correspond to one another one day. She gave the tiny kids different color life savers and let them taste them. Then they realized how the colors corresponded to the taste. Red=cherry Yellow=lemon Green=lime When she gave them a honey flavored life saver none of them could guess the flavor. Teacher said "it's what your mommy sometimes calls your daddy". One little girl spit it right out and said "Ewww, it's asshole." Linda Sue O'Grady

Bad Guys