Poor Man's Lobster

Ain't tried it yet, but will soon.

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5 minute butter

FOOD

5 minute butter A few weeks ago I discussed "MAKE BUTTER; SAVE $."  Yesterday was time to restock.  I poured a quart of heavy cream into my Cuisinart and pressed go.  While the machine was whirring away me and Mosup watched the bird activity on our various feeders.  A glance at the machine 5 minutes later showed nothing was moving, so I stopped it and voila!  Done.  However, when I plopped it all into a bowl it hit me. Where's the butter milk?  I dipped a pinky into the cream—tasted like very sweet butter, so what the hell.  I filled two storage containers and put them in the Fridge.  But wait!  Why wasn't there any butter milk?  Horry Clap! Did I just make whip cream?  To test it, I made a grilled cheese sammich using the new butter on the rye bread.  Worked fine.  Still, I went back to my original post and this popped out: " .... and in about 18-20 minutes I had a big ball of butter. "  I was done in 5 minutes, so yes, I did make whipped cream (minus the sugar). This morning I buttered MoSup's bagel with it and she said it tasted properly delicious. I think the difference in this 5 minute butter is that it's unsuitable for baking; won't help in rising.  Don't care.  We'll use this butter for slather, and store bought for baking.  There is also the posibilty that this quick butter will just melt in a few days, and I'll have to try and salvage it with another go in the Cuisenart. But here's a disconcerting reality.  While there are just 51 calories in a TBS of heavy cream, there are prolly (if I made them) 4 TBS (+ sugar) heaped atop these cupcakes. And nobody would give it a mind. But what if I gave you this dessert with almost a half-stick of raw butter on top? Same thing. Would I think twice?  You bet. Being a food scientist has ups and downs; joys and disappointments.  Your welcome.

Page Turner Cook Book

Like Great Gramaw Done It!

Buh-Bye Christopher Kimball

FOOD NEWS

Chris Kimball Leaves America's Test Kitchen Christopher Kimball, the bow-tied cooking guru who started the popular Cook’s Illustrated magazine and created a foodie media empire, is leaving the Brookline company amid a management shake-up, raising questions about the future of a venture so closely tied to its star founder. News that changes were afoot at the company first became public in September, when the board named a new chief executive, David Nussbaum, a one-time reporter turned online media and e-commerce executive. The board has been negotiating with Kimball since then on a future role for him at the company, but talks fell apart in recent weeks, according to people briefed on the conversations. While Kimball “will remain a minority owner of the company, he will no longer play a role” at America’s Test Kitchen, Nussbaum wrote in a letter to employees Monday. Kimball, 64, may be planning to start a new venture, according to people who know him. He declined to comment. Kimball’s wife, Melissa Baldino, a TV producer at the company, also is expected to leave, according to two people with knowledge of the situation [Full] I'm an avid fan of ATK and its twin sister Cook's Country.  Record every episode and reference them when I'm preparing to make it.  I do own up to date copies of ATC's cook books, but found that there are often important steps found on the televised making left out of the book instruction. I'm also an avid fan of the restaurant rescue venue, like Kitchen Nightmares and Restaurant: Impossible.  If I had more gumption,  I believe I could make a nice living doing the same thing.  I would select perhaps a dozen recipes from ATC and teach the staff to make all of them precisely. As long as the place is clean, the staff attentive, nothing matters more than food reputation. Followed precisely, every client would offer an exquisite menu, done to perfection. Anyway, I'm not sure that me and Christopher Kimball could ever be friends; he's an old, smug, hippy and I'm sure he voted for Obama. But still .... I'll miss him.

COUNTERFEIT FOOD

FOOD

Copycat Faves: Restaurant Recipes Revealed! cuzzin ricky

Making Marshmallow

FOOD

Marshmallows with Ham        Title: MARSHMALLOWS   Categories: Candies        Yield: 1 Servings          2 c  Sugar        1 ts Vanilla        2 tb Gelatin soaked in 1/2 cup             -cold water      1/4 ts Salt      3/4 c  Water       Marshmallows from Marge Osborn’s 9 th grade Home Ec Class. They can also    be used as centers for dipped chocolates or bark        1.  Mix sugar and 3/4 c water in heavy pan.  Cook to soft ball stage, 238    degrees.        2.  Remove from fire and add gelatin.        3.  Pour in glass mixing bowl.  Cool a little and then whip until thick    and white.  Add flavoring.        4.  Mix 2 T powdered sugar and 2 T cornstarch and spread into a 9 inch    square pan.  Pour candy into the prepared pan, let stand. Cut into squares    using a wet knife and give a final dust of powdered sugar.        Please add this to the marshmallow recipe to keep the marshmallows from    being grainy.        When you start cooking the sugar and water, be sure to dissolve the sugar    crystals before it begins boiling as is done with fudge. Either wipe down    the sides of the pan with a watered brush or cover pan for a few minutes.        From Cookie-Lady’s Files.  Posted on GEnie’s Food & Wine RT by COOKIE-LADY    [Cookie] on 10/3/93 Last night we wanted ham steak and sweet potato casserole. Problem.  No marshmallows.  Went to the trusty Cooks Thesaurus looking for a substitute and wound up deciding to make my own marshmellows.  I'm not a candy maker, but I did have a FRIED HAM WITH RED-EYE GRAVY Slice ham about 1/4 inch thick. Cook slowly in a heavy frying pan until evenly browned on both sides. Sprinkle each side lightly with sugar during cooking. Remove the ham and keep it warm, then add about 1/2 cup of cold water or a cup of coffee. Let it boil until gravy turns red. Blend and pour over the ham.e candy thermometer.  The sugar water jumped to 200º in short order, but then took like forever to get to 240º.  Is that a candy making quirk?  From there it was easy, but you do not want to hand whip this thing; I tried.  Even with the electric it took awhile to firm up but the results were—duh—marshmallow.  But very good marshmallow.  Have a lot left that I've stored, but in the future I think I'll just buy a bag of Kraft. However.  If I was still a youngster I'd make a batch and eat it, still warm, out of a bowl like ice cream with caramel and nut topping.  OMFG! As an aside; Y'all folks have often extolled the virtues of Red-Eye gravy.  I've tried Red Eye gravy before, and NOBODY, including me,  liked it. But, I decided to do it again  using an actual recipe. Tasted it. Hated its guts!  Added brown sugar. Tasted it. Hated it, but less. Added more brown sugar. Tried it. Getting better,  Added more brown sugar.  Voila!  Best ever.

Whipped Cream To Go

Stuff Helly Didn't Know You're Welcome Helly

Cajun Jerky Plus

FOOD Nom Nom Nom This recipe, so far, has produced the best chicken jerky I've made. But that's not what I want to talk about.  The recipe is as simple as simple gets.  When I sampled it my taste sensors orgasmed.  After I cooked them for 10 minutes, preparatory to dehydrating, I ate one.  Then  another.  Then I put some mayo on a bun and made a sandwich.  'Nuff said. UPDATE -The Full Cajun Jerk Recipe is HERE

Company Pork

Guest Food We had the wife's family here for the past four days.  While working up the menus I decided to step up the coffee for them,  and bought a 12 ounce bag of Seattle's Finest because it was, at $9.79,  the cheapest premium blend Giant carried.. God help me. I'm not a coffee snob, and we've been happy with Wal-Mart coffee—I buy it by the case, home delivered—but that there Seattle coffee is so noticeably better that I can't go home again.  The good news is that WalMart sells it for $6 the bag delivered.  I ordered 6 bags (and some paper towels) so there was no tax or freight.  What the hell,  we only use one ounce of coffee a day (8 cups), so one bag will last—let's call it two weeks—so six bags will last—lets call it 3 months.  Just 40¢ a day.  Piece of cake. On the topic of guest food, I made spare ribs Saturday.  Remember that oven pulled pork recipe?  Well I prepared my 4 slabs of ribs the same exact way.  Brined, slathered, rubbed and baked in foil sealed pans.  The only concession I made for the lighter mass was to bake @ 275° for about 45 minutes, then @300° for about 45 minutes, and then 325° for one hour.  But wait!  When I took the foil off and tasted the sauce all I could taste was pepper!  WTF?  Maye I screwed up the dry rub?  I rubbed a handful of brown sugar on each slab and let them crust up for an hour at 275° (while watching to make sure the sugar didn't burn).  For about the last 10 minutes I turned the heat up to 500°.   I anticipated that the whole lot would be a bust, but no!  In fact, they were hands-down the best ribs I've ever made, maybe ever had!-and that was the table's  consensus too. I mean, perfect.  Not quite falling off the bone, and firm enough that when you bit into them the bite mark remained. A sign of perfection.  FWIW, I also made this recipe  for pork and bean.  Result was much better than I anticipated.  Quite wonderful in fact,  despite using only about 12 ounces of  pork roast that I had in the freezer. Damn I miss Saturday Terp  basketball.

First and Second Look at Food Stuff

FOLLOW-UPPING the FOLLOW-UP FOOD “ I said I'd have these follow-ups yesterday, but things were just Wild around here. Now they're all in one tight package  HERE. ”

More Bread Please

Bingo! My last bread post (Deli Rye)  drew a comment (Juice) "Bread machine! yes." So I'm thinking, what if I take that New York Deli Rye recipe—after the first one hour rise—and then dump it into the bread machine?  I used  French/Italian bread setting; large loaf, medium crust.   What the hell, worst thing, I've lost about 75¢.  But you can see what I got.     The nice thing about the bread machine (I have a recon'd Cuisinart 200) is its ease of use.  Throw the ingredients in, press the button and that's it.   The problem I've had with certain breads (rye and whole wheat) is they suck (in fact, don't even try whole wheat until you've watched this).  Anyway, the loaf sizes (using Cuisinart's recipe) are smaller than I'd  suppose them to be, and the interior is not soft and bouncy. But!  In the example below, where I use my own recipe,  the bread has risen about 3" above the top of the pan, giving it a nice circumcised appearance. By contrast,  the rye I was gloating over last week weighed 1 lb 13.25 oz., but had  only about 75% of the volume of the bread machine's loaf.  It was then a bit denser than I'd like.  Truth be told, MoSup was digging me about the girth of my loaf (Oh, isn't that a cute size? Almost like real bread.). This one weighs 1 pound 14 ounces,  but feels lighter.  . So there you have it.  From now on I'll use my own recipes, but let Mr. Machine do all the kneading, rising and baking.  One more thing I like about this bread.  After a few days it starts turning green, My store bread will go 10 days to a week. What's that tell you? Eat your heart out Helly!  I see a Nobel in the offing. And I've been using a torch in the kitchen for over ten years.  A proper torch that can also solder pipes.

Very tasty but too small -

Much Better

Tuna on Whole Wheat Please

WHOLE WHEAT SANDWICH BREAD “ Whole Wheat Bread I used to make bread a lot when the kiddies were non-existent, or still young. Then it became too time consuming.  Awhile back, after buying a bread machine (re-con Cuisinart from Woot - one of my bet buys ever), I started again.  But the whole wheat bread recipes sucked big time, and rye bread wasn't even an option in their cook book.  Recently I watched this video from COOKs, and was intrigued.  It seems the reason home made whole wheat breads are, at best, white bread with wheat  color is chemical.  Whole wheat granules have razor blades growing out of them, which slice the gluten to shreds and inhibit the ability of yeast to do it's thing.  The solution—melt the razor blades in a milk bath! This is a 24 hour deal, although it can probably be cut to 8 hours.  I screwed up because after making the Biga and putting it to rest, I decided to watch some movies.  The next day I discovered that I was also to have made the "soaker" at the same time, so I was behind.  I made the soaker and put it in the fridge, and after 8 hours continued with step three. Let me tell you something, combing two clumps of yeast risen sticky dough by hand is a sumbitch.  While I own damned near every cooking device known to man, I do not own a Cuisinart mixer—because MoSup put her foot down and said she would not have yet another gadget cluttering her counter top.  But wait. Bingo!  I set the Cuisinart bread maker to "Dough" and plopped the two clumps in with  the honey, salt and yeast, etc. Voila! But wait. I evidently had screwed around with it so much that I punctured magic yeast membrane, and it wouldn't rise.  Of course I only discovered this after waiting 45 minutes and finding it flat.  "I know, the marble counter was too cold!"  So I opened the oven door (I had it preheated to 400°) and put the loaf pans on the open door.  Nope.  Still didn't rise. S@&*## F*!#!  I was about to throw the whole mess away, but what the heck.  I ripped all the dough into little pieces and put them back into the bread machine, with more honey and more yeast.  This time it worked. Of course the truest test any of my cooking must pass is MoSup's palate.  She freaking wet her pants!  USA USA USA.  I toasted two slices and made me a tuna sandwich, and YES.  This bread is so nutritious that you will actually lose weight and restore your boner. If you want the written recipe- here. You're welcome. PS- Here's my next adventure ”

Putting new life into dead meat

How I discovered nahcolite In the early 1930s I was was hired by a guy named Armand Hammer* to find the Ark of the Covenant before the Nazis.  He saddled me with an oaf named Henry Walton who later wrote a book taking all the credit for my success, but that's another story.    During our dig (somewhere, way in  East Muhammad),  I discovered a substance I called nahcolite (the brand printed on  underwear I  purchased in Cairo)..  Tinkering with it at night, I discovered a number of properties that seemed promising, especially as a chemical leavening agent.  Walton, and not for the last time,  stabbed me in the back and told Hammer about it. Faster than you can say "Jack Benny,"  Hammer captured the market on it, marketing it as Baking Soda, He never paid me a cent.  But that's not what I wanted to tell you.   When I want back to Coral Springs, Egypt (where I made that discovery) I found something shocking.  Coral Springs was nearly covered by sand, and there were but two inhabitants; a Moslem rug merchant and a twelve year old boy.  It seems that  all the men who worked in the Arm & Hammer nahcolite mine had suddenly come down with what Achmed (the rug merchant) called "تدلى المعكرونة" (drooping noodle).  That is a condition  where the bone and muscle in the penis crumble, making it impossible to achieve what doctors call a "stiff stander." Thus, over time, the population simply died out.  It was believed that it was caused by nahcolite, but alas there was no EPA (Egyptian Penis Association) to stop the mining operation.. But that's not what I wanted to tell you. A few weeks ago I snapped out of a sound sleep (this was 9 years after that trip back to Egypt) with a vision.  I went into the kitchen and began doodling with -er, make that experimenting with Baking Soda and meat.  I made a remarkable discovery.  If  you cover a cheap piece of meat in a mixture of water and baking soda,  and refrigerate for a few hours, the meat will become as tender as a the finest rib eye.   Just be sure and rinse it with cold water before cooking; no after taste that way. You're welcome. *By way of clarification, At the time I didn't know that Armand was in the employ of Joseph Stalin, and twelve guys in the Roosevelt administration. Aside - today there is heavy mining of nahcolite in Colorado, which may explain why the state has recently become home to so many dickless liberals.

Bread Pudding

The Best Bread Pudding     “ Ingredients 2 cups granulated sugar 5 large beaten eggs 2 cups milk 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract 3 cups cubed Italian bread, allow to stale overnight in a bowl 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, softened 1 cup chopped pecans For the sauce: 1 cup granulated sugar 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted 1 egg, beaten 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract 1/4 cup brandy Directions Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 13 by 9 by 2-inch pan. Mix together granulated sugar, eggs, and milk in a bowl; add vanilla. Pour over cubed bread and let sit for 10 minutes. In another bowl, mix and crumble together brown sugar, butter, and pecans. Pour bread mixture into prepared pan. Sprinkle brown sugar mixture over the top and bake for 35 to 45 minutes, or until set. Remove from oven. For the sauce: Mix together the granulated sugar, butter, egg, and vanilla in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir together until the sugar is melted. Add the brandy, stirring well. Pour over bread pudding. Serve warm or cold. This is essentially the same recipe for Chocolate-Hazelnut Bread Pudding I saw on America Test Kitchen [Video], but without the chocolate, and pecans instead of hazelnuts.  I did throw in some chocolate chips.  The end result is sinful, and actually tastes a lot like Cinnabons, only way way better.  The key, I discovered, to making anything bread pudding is to first cube the bread, and  bake in a single layer @ 200º for 45 minutes (stale bread will reconstitute water, oven dried bread will not, so it's not soggy).  And best of all, I lost 10 pounds after eating it all!  God I love this country. ”

Fried Chicken and Spoon Bread

Southern Comfort I haven't made either of the  two recipes shown here, but  I will.  What really recommends this to everyone is the story, which comes straightway,  about what happened to the enterprising ex-slaves whose recipe fried chicken was (West Africa).  Nothing changes. After that, you're on your own.

Cooking With Miss Loo-Loo Jr.

What I did during recess “ Man did I get sidetracked.  We have grandaughter #2 staying with us for a few days, and she came in while I was reviewing this video to go with this post on the chicken I made last night.  She crawled up on my lap and watched, entranced.  When it ended she  said (pointing to the YouTube side panel) :play that one.  Which turned out to be Thai chicken.  And then another, and another until we had spent nearly 90 minutes wathing recipe esoteica, and she showed no sign of getting bored. MoSup finally took her up for naptime, and that sounded like a good idea so I had one too.  BTW, this chicken, because of its very crispy skin and very moist and tender meat may be the best I've ever tasted.  Took under one hour to cook. That salt and baking powder rub is priceless. ”

Best Database Ever

The Mother of All Data Bases That's what cuzzin ricky said-  I didn't have time to look, but I trust his judgment implicitly.  It's either a data base of Italian and seafood recipes (cr is a chef), or things with nipples *gulp.*  I'm going with Shrimp Scampi, but be prepared for the worst.

Pumpkin Cookery Tin

Gizmos    Pumpkin Rose T-Bread Krusty Morsels MoSup will be returning from the sea-side resort tomorrow.  As is my wont, I wanted to have a surprise for her, aside from all the tiling, spackling and crown molding.  .  Perfect!  This is what I had in mind when I bought this Nordic Ware Rose Bundt Pan from Woot! ($17.95).  Pumpkin tea bread (remember?)  is the family's all time favorite dessert.  I mean most everyone in the family will request this for a birthday cake.  One problem is, and I won't name Hucker, Loo-Loo and Greeper here, but some relish the outer crust so much that oft times it looks like mice have been into it when it's rolled out.  See all those eskers, dells, dunes and ridges?  I figure the Krusty crust surface area is at least doubled.  And hey, I'm going to use it to make a mashed potato rose and a meatloaf rose, and wow, the fun never ends. I'm very pleased with myself.