Want a happy ending?

you want happy ending? well do you?

You're welcome (Click)

Smart Bullets

U.S. Army rifles that use radio-controlled smart bullets Weapon hailed as a game-changer that can fire up and over barriers and down into trenches Soldiers will start using them in Afghanistan later this month

“   The weapon's laser finder would work out how far away the enemy was and then the U.S. soldier would add one metre using a button near the trigger. When fired, the explosive round would carry exactly one metre past the wall and explode with the force of a hand grenade above the Taliban fighter. ”

Great.  First the Army gives everyone a black beret, and now an expert rifleman badge. .  Sheesh. Cuzzin Ricky

Guys with earrings who piss in the garbage can

Rules to live by

As I set pen to paper here, I'm thinking about how my cooking channels viewing has changed over the past decade.  Shows that I couldn't get enough of, like Emeril Live and Iron Chef, no longer hold my interest.  My new favs are found on the Travel Channel. Andrew Zimmern's  Bizarre Foods , Adam Richman's Man v. Food,  and Anthony Bourdain's  No Reservations.  All three are about eating, not cooking food (a fact that just struck me.  Ahem)  Anyway, last night Anthony Bourdain is in Nicaragua , which linked clip stops short of what I want to tell you.  Bourdain is dining with this young Nicaraguan host, and is positively intent on revisiting The 1980s Sandnista revolution (which left Nicaragua as the poorest nation in the central America).  The kid says he is too young to remember those bad days, and Bourdain responds: "Everything I knew or heard about that era was colored by my distaste for Reagan and Oliver North." Why did he do that?  I was already a little leery of him for wearing an earring, and since he's a Manhattan guy, had I bothered to think about his politics, which I never did, his chance of being a Liberal asshat was on the order of 100 to 1.  Anyway, I flicked channels, and did not watch the two new episodes that followed. Not because I wanted to exact some kind of revenge.  Because now,  whenever I see him, the first thing that will come to mind is that crack. He and I could never share the same table, because if we did I'd be compelled to bring up Reagan, and that conversation could only end badly.  Maybe I'll get over it in time. But why pee in garbage can to begin with?  If you're an entertainer looking for the biggest possible following?

A BAR IN MONTANA...

A BAR IN MONTANA...

A man is sitting in the Edgar Bar in  Montana and was far from home when Barack Obama comes on TV.  The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's ass."  Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking him off his bar stool, then stomps out.  He gets back up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer.  Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV.  He looks at the TV and says "She is a horse's ass too! Out of nowhere, another local punches him in the other side of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again.  He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Obama country?"  "Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country." Merrily

Say it isn't so - lol

Lefty Blogger Exposes How Political Lies Are Spread Over Liberal Blogosphere Begging the question: is a blogger who seeks truth eligible to be called a “lefty?”

“   Someone on Twitter asked me last night if I’d heard about what was happening in Minnesota with the poor. I didn’t, so they sent me a link to Crooks & Liars that talked about a law proposed there that would make it illegal for poor people to carry more than $20 cash! [...] So that’s the claim. I sort of skimmed it and thought to myself “Sounds like a serious charge. “ Up until quite recently, I would have left it at that because Crooks and Liars was one of my go-to sites for information. Now I think they might want to shorten their name to the more concise and appropriate Liars. [Lee Stranahan: HowPolitical Lies Spread on the Left] via Noel Shepherd

More Emblematic

A possible answer to "more emblematic?"

Gratuitously Yours,

Let me the hell out of here

Is there any picture more emblematic of our times?

Cheap Reese

Today's DIY Recipe

Cheap Reeses

Pelosi exorcism fails?

Nancy Pelosi hospitalized in Rome (CLAIM: Papal exorcism fails)

Whose quote - K'Daffy's or Bidens

Who said it - K'Daffy or Biden? underline your answer

“People would have killed the consul and his family if live ammunition had not been used.” (Daffy or  Biden) “There is no state with a democracy except Libya on the whole planet.”  ((Daffy or  Biden)  "A woman has the right to run for election whether she's male or female." (Daffy or  Biden) "Were it not for electricity we would have to watch television in the dark." (Daffy or  Biden) "There must be a world revolution which puts an end to all materialistic conditions hindering a women from performing her natural role in life and driving her to carry out man's duties in order to be equal in rights." (Daffy or  Biden) "I am not such a dictator that I would shut down Facebook. I'll merely imprison anyone who logs on to it."(Daffy or  Biden) "Democracy means permanent rule." (Daffy or  Biden) "Obeying your parents is more important than doing as your parents say." (Daffy or  Biden) "Protest however you want, but do not go onto the streets and squares." (Daffy or  Biden) "I will stay in Libya untill I die, or until the end of the time God allows me to live."(Daffy or  Biden) ” ANSWERS

The Rev. Jesse K Daffy

Japanese explain melt-downs

Japanese educate kids over nuclear accident

Vac-U-Box

WOOT Report Vac-U-Box

I took a flier on this Vac-U-Box (why does that sound pornographic?) a few weeks ago; cost about $20.  Here's Deborah Ball and "world renowned chef Tom Jefferies" (the plastic chef? snort) talking about it.  It's actually like one big Food Saver bag, and  quite a bit roomier than I had first imagined.  I've taken to putting naked bread in the thing,  and so far it's kept stuff like new.  MoSup was delighted with this Woot because it's tidy. We've had a running battle over bread storage.  She likes stuff in a bread box. But what happens is the older bread gets buried on the bottom,  and the next thing you know it's green. She didn't like my solution of just throwing it all in a heap on the counter.  The video makes the claim (several times) that the fast acting vacuum will suck out all the air in less than a minute.  I timed it: actual time, 1 minute 22 seconds.  Here's the part that will sour MoSup (I predict).  In order to open the thing you have to press an air release valve on top.  It takes several seconds before the vacuum is sufficiently lost to allow opening.  How stupid.  A "cork in the hole" solution would have been instantaneous, and far less expensive.  The functionality, then, depends on who the user is. I've used our Food Saver for ten years now, and I do it religiously.  MoSup on the other hand has used it exactly zero times.  So, as long as there's one person like me in the house, this gadget will work for you.  You're welcome.

Testing finds no health threat along West Coast

Testing finds no health threat along West Coast Marc Miller

"Meanwhile, at the San Francisco zoo.....

Knuckledraggin my life away via Tom Smith

Baby scared when mom blows her nose

Not much that's better than this

Action Jackson

The Littlest Terp

Since Jackson was born I've been, while not walking with the plague, feeling sufficiently bad to keep me away from my new grandson.  Today I gave myself clearance, and went over there.  His sister will prolly be the next Shirley Temple, and he's a pretty sure bet for Terp starting QB in 2029.  I know what you're saying, "Rodge, that's one fine looking boy, but mine is a tad better," but you'd be wrong.  I mean, come on, the kid's only 2 weeks old and already can pass a football 3-4 feet.  Okay, straight down, but still.

Ladies Beware

Crazy Dems want to impeach

After the barn's burned down ...

“   A hard-core group of liberal House Democrats is questioning the constitutionality ..,  with one lawmaker raising the prospect of impeachment during a Democratic Caucus conference call on Saturday. ” It's about time these ass-hats admitted to Obama's non-eligibility and lack of  ... what?  Oh.  Nevermind.

European Court of Human Rights and a roll of TP

Gee, do ya think?

“ School crucifixes 'do not breach human rights' Sunday, March 20, 2011 5:36:36 PM · by Republicain · 1 replies BBC ^ | 03/18/2011 Displaying crucifixes in schools in Italy does not breach the rights of non-Catholic families, the European Court of Human Rights has ruled. Unplugged There once was a court in the Hague Which validity was murky and vague Confessed one drunk on that bench; Nationality French "As a lot we're worse than the plague" (then he wiped off his chin with a grin)

A Platform To Live By

A Fine (40 year old) Platform

1. No taxation without tax shelters 2. All gummint social services     should have a cash bar 3. Invasion of Mexico if they     start acting silly down there.

This National Lampoon editors manifesto and founding document is everything today's Teaparty must strive for. Thanks so much to  the anonymous commenter who found it. It's timeless. I'm not kidding.

Mahometans slash, beat teacher

It's a Sharia Law Thing

“ Gary Smith is head of religious education at Central Foundation Girls' School in Bow, east London.  Four Mahometans launched a horrific attack on him with  a Stanley knife, an iron rod and a block of cement, slashing his face and  fracturing his skull ---  because they did not approve of him teaching religion to Muslim girls. [Four men slashed teacher's face] Still, 20% (the usual suspects no doubt) answer NO to  Is an anti-Sharia Law unconstitutional?

1950

Yesterday

I've posted a few of these lists because they do what they're supposed to do.  This site (you got to be kidding) has pictures for every remembrance, which really enhances the trip.  My guess is that even commie kids, who grew up under Stalin, would experience a similar warm nostalgia for pictures of the one room apartment their family of twelve lived in.  Things can never be as good than they were when you were a kid with everything in front of you.

1950s Nostalgia All the girls had ugly gym uniforms? And wore tennis shoes not $200 Nike’s! It took three minutes for the TV to warm up? Nobody owned a purebred dog? When a quarter was a decent allowance? You’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny? Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces? You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn’t pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot? Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box? It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents? They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed… and they did it! When a 57 Chevy was everyone’s dream car…to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady? No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked? Lying on your back in the grass with your friends… and saying things like, ‘that cloud looks like a… ‘? Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game? Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger… And with all our progress, don’t you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today. When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn’t because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat. And our summers were filled with bike rides, Hula Hoops, and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar. How Many Of These Do You Remember? Candy cigarettes… Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside… Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles… Coffee shops with Table Side Jukeboxes… Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum… Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stopper.. Telephone numbers with a word prefix… ( Yukon 2-601). Party lines… Peashooters… Hi-Fi’s & 45 RPM records… 78 RPM records… S&H Green Stamps… Mimeograph paper… The Fort Apache Play Set… Remember when Decisions were made by going…‘Eeny-meeny-miney-moe’? Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, ‘Do Over!’? ‘Race issue’ meant arguing about who ran the fastest? Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening? It wasn’t odd to have two or three ‘Best Friends’… Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot? Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute commercials for action figures? ‘Oly-oly-oxen-free’ made perfect sense? Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles? The Worst Embarrassment was being picked last for a team? War was a card game? Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle? Taking drugs meant orange flavored chewable aspirin? Water balloons were the ultimate weapon? If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!

Foreign Policy by Travel Agency

The Tourist-in-Chief

We've all been there

The Common Denominator

When You Can't Tell Your Enemies Without a Program Al-Qaeda commander calls for overthrow of Gadaffy and introduction of Sharia Law

“   Sheikh Abu Yahia said in his video address that after the fall of the regimes in Tunisia and Egypt, it is now Gaddafi's turn, as rebel fighters there wage a nearly month-long campaign to oust him. ” Hmmm.  What's the common denominator here?

Solar Power Grids

Green Brainiacs Have the Solution: Solar Power Grids

“   Imagine, for instance, a nation that got most of its power from rooftop solar panels knitted together in a vast distributed grid. It would take investment to get there – we’d have to divert money from other tasks, slowing some kinds of growth, because solar power is currently more expensive than coal power. We might not have constant access to unlimited power at every second of every day. In the end, though, you’d have not only less carbon in the atmosphere, but also a country far less failure-prone. - Where do these numpties come from? ” via Side Lines which also features “No-fly zone” is now the Western intelligentsia euphemism for “declaration of war”.

Nice Dimples

Show everyone your dimples ....

My 3½ year-old granddaughter was in a dance contest today (for members of 7 dance schools). After her performance one of the judges said, "You have such a lovely smile, why don't you show everyone your dimples?" Dimples, nipples.  Sounds the same.  (PS- she won first prize in her class). (PPS - for her dancing!) (PPPS Update - When I was a lad it was "Show us your pimple"

Today's P***K Teaser

Today's P***K Teaser

“   In Katie’s defense, it’s probably pretty hard to remember what a penis looks like after she took that vow of celibacy five years ago. [Agent Bedhead] ”

Is there anything you can't do in a maidenform bra?

I dreamed I played ‘Lady of Spain’ in my Maidenform Bra.

Retro?

Young Lions v. RINOS

Cal. State GOP convention: Blowup, outgoing chair accused of "thuggery"   Because the old system has worked so danged well.

Young Lions v. RINOS “   Critics say that change proposed by Nehring would make it far more difficult for moderate candidates -- or even incumbents -- to get the endorsement of traditionally conservative party activists, while giving them undue power on endorsements. - [Full Wonderment] ” California makes me laugh --  because I don't live there.

Obama Praises Brazilian Oil Industry While He Blocks Drilling Here at Home

But, Wait!

Bill Maher Asshattery

In a flash Maher has won!

... public unions, sharia law, anchor babies, blah-blah- the presidents eligibility .. and all the other non issues .... the GOP blah ..blah.

Do you have anything to add Mr. Schickelgruber?  Jawol, Ja! Die armen Juden und die Idioten und Gasen und Jammern über Verfassungsgesetzgebung und die Zensur,  und all the other non issues

We've been regulated (neutered).

“A U.S. _regulatory agency of your choice__ panel said Friday that removal of choose from list below or make your own from the U.S. market would benefit the public health.”

Here's the story today, but there seems to be new applications every day (like yesterday's, that would make it illegal for 30 million Americans using Prozac and whiskey to own a firearm).  Between judges and unelected regulators,  you and I have zero say in what happens in DisUnited States.

Mommy got a wax job and all I got was the pelt

Mommy got a wax job and all I got was the pelt NOW WITH BIDEN's HAIR ROLLOVER

Biden's Hair Special

A Rabid Rat Story

“   In a more impassioned plea, Biden criticized conservatives for their “orgy” of greed, which he claimed led to the recent economic downturn. [Biden Praises Union Protestors Keeping GOP ‘Barbarians From the Gate’]

Anticipation

Sunday is First Day of Spring

We Meet Again Wookie

You Only Die Twice -- tick .. tick ..

‘too funny...a smaller,more elite audience ....sure the bottom of the parrot cage.’ Maybe they should rename it ‘Lastweek’

Obama's Gun Control Confab

So Who IS Invited to the President’s Obama's Gun Control Pow-Wow?

“ Is it any wonder that National Rifle Association jefe Wayne LaPierre greeted Obama’s invitation to meet with the Prez and gun control groups to discuss current gun laws  -- with his own invitation to the President to fuck off and die (paraphrasing)? Common sense says the Prez and his gun control pals on the left want to “strengthen” the NICS system to stop as many Americans as possible from purchasing firearms. For example, if we allow this confederacy of dunces to “close the mental health loophole” using the “we need to stop crazies like Loughner” rationale, some thirty million Americans could lose their gun rights. That’s the number of people taking prescription anti-depressants. [full] ”

Nukes from China to Iran

O Club conversations I heard (I only listen)

20110317 12:48 Thing From Snowy Mountain HOLY FUCK. Weapons-making parts seized from Malaysian ship. Apparently nuclear bomb making equipment en route from China to Iran. Tell 'em their treasury certificates are now just VERY expensive toilet paper. 20110317 13:52 Anonymoose Thing: the US has likely used torpedoes to sink two NKor ships that were transporting nuclear cargoes to Iran, and Australia openly used a confiscated NKor heroin transport ship for bombing practice in 2006. Interesting note: after we torpedoed the NK ships, US surface ships went to the scene to rescue survivors, all of whom were heavily contaminated. While USN ships are equipped to deal with such contamination, it is still a major pain in the rear. 20110317 18:39 Anonymoose Thing: South Korea and Singapore have intercepted suspected nuclear and weapons materials bound for Iran that breach UN sanctions imposed on the Islamic republic, diplomats said on Thursday. The two seizures, made in the past six months but only revealed now... 20110317 23:39 Dirty Johnny Hey baby, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Kodak Digimatic 100

Stuff so brilliant that I was about to think of it myself.

“   If the company that calls itself Kodak today had a brain, it would copy the "Instamatic 100" from Kodak's greatest hits, drop a first rate lens in it, add some great chips, a view screen as big as the back of the camera, and rebrand it as the “Kodak Digimatic 100.” Instant win. [Instamatic to Digimatic: The Kool Kamera Kodak Will Never Make] ”

Mitch Daniels

Mitch Daniels  Because some things are just that easy

“   The Indiana governor and former Office of Management and Budget director for President George W. Bush who is now spoken of as the favorite 2012 candidate of the Washington elite used a gardening glove when he first learned to play golf, unwilling to spend the money for a real golf glove. [Will he run?] ”

Favorite candidate of Washington elite Shades of Jummy Carter What's not to like?

Democrats Fighting the Constitution

'Splain this Lucy    'Birther Bill' Stalls at the Gold Dome

“   The measure would force candidates for president and vice president to certify their citizenship with the Georgia secretary of state's office before going on the ballot in the state. Democratic state Representative Glenn Baker of Jonesboro said he did not fully understand the bill's ramifications when he signed it and quickly removed his name. ”

Several states have pending legislation requiring future candidates for president and vice president  to provide legal proof of their constitutional qualifications for that office.   The question then is, who in bloody hell can argue against enacting?  Srsly.  This is a proposal that in other words says "all in favor of following the law say aye."  That this is even issue ought be mind boggling to everyone, and yet, like here in Georgia, Democrats are fighting it.  Glenn Baker of Jonesboro said he did not fully understand the bill's ramifications when he signed it and quickly removed his name. There can be just one ramification (help me out here).  That this requirement will show that President Barack Obama is unable to produce lawful proof of his citizenship.  Democratic state Representative Glenn Baker of Jonesboro, in other times,  would be led to the town square, where 50 lashes would be laid upon his bare back.  And justifiably so.  Because this is not going away (See Donald Trump and others).  What I'm asking here is this.  If any of you have knowledge of reasons being given for not passing this common sense requirement, please share with us in the comments.  I am truly, really, interested in hearing them.